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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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My boyfriend (age 51) has an ex-sister-in-law and her husband

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My boyfriend (age 51) has an ex-sister-in-law and her husband that he's very close to. Women's intuition tells me he is attracted to her. They invite us to their home at least twice a week, he invites them to do weekend activities with us, and he is goes to their home once a week during the week. When I'm with my boyfried at their home, he watches her like a hawk, and watches her every move. She always wants to fix dinner when we're there and it's like a show she puts on where we sit and watch her cook -- specifically he watches her butt as she cooks. Most of the conversation is between my boyfriend and her, with her husband occasionally chiming in and I listen. She plans projects around her home that includes my boyfriend helping and not her husband. I confronted him when he returned from one of the projects and asked is they were having an affair. He become very irrate and told me to get out of this house. He eventually settled down and his response was "Think what that would do to his ex-sister in law's little boy if that happened." How do I handle this? I don't like spending time with her.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

You have to decide if this relationship is worth giving up because of this issue. I totally sympathize with you. I would be losing it too. It is very difficult when you think your partner is eyeing up another woman. He has given you a valid reason though as to whether they are fooling around so now you have to work on him respecting you. Instead of saying are you having an affair start small. Tell him that you have noticed that he watches her and it makes you uncomfortable. Explain to him how you feel each time she invites him over and why you don't want to go. Don't say are you having an affair. That suggests that they are already fooling around. You have to find a time where he is not annoyed and tell him that it is more then that. If you can get across that the whole situation makes you uncomfortable then the rest of your questions will be answered. But don't blame.


There should be a compromise to everything. However if he is that defensive then you take the chance that he won't compromise. If that is the case then you run the risk of him wanting to maintain this relationship at the risk of ruining yours. There is a chance this will happen and then you can't talk to him about this and you have to make a decision.


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