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Hi and thanks for writing JA
are you here?
are you there?
Okay so let me know when it is convenient for you to chat about this online.
In the interim I am sorry to hear that you are your fiance are having so much difficulty. Can you tell us how old each of you are? Also you say that he is diagnosed with Histrionic personality disorder but then you do not describe any behaviors that would fit that disorder. Can you please speak to those behaviors that would fit the disorder as well as the other issues you are having> thanks so much and looking forward to chatting with you soon. Warm regards, Cathy
He needs to be the center of attention..
Hi are you there?
nice to see you
how are you doing tonight out in Seattle?
I am fine and you? My fiance who is mormon.. Goes out late at by himself to local bars where people are drunk or on their way..
okay and how old are both of you?
He is a flirt and attention hound..
how old are you both?
Mormons are not to put themselves in compromising situations. 55 and 53
We have known each other for 12 years now..
oh I see, so you are both mature adults and you think he should act his age, Mormon or not
how is it that this is such a long engagement? twelve years is such a long time?
He says it is innocent.. But and he does not get the attention of women due o his being over weight.
and why do you live so far apart?
oh that may be
you might very well be right about that
My kids needed to graduate from high school
oh I see
so you were planning to move to CA after your kids graduated?
to be with him?
He goes out of his way to get attention from people , secifically woman..
I am sure he does especially if he is overweight and his fiance lives so far away
that would make sense, not that I condone this, but I can certainly see that happening
That was the plan.. Now he is planning on moving here due to a tragic accident that happened too my ex.
he does this every night tho?
He does not want to live here due to the weather.. Ex. Husband
okay so the weather and your ex?
Enough times and he doesn't answer his phone..
did your ex have a bad accident of some type and in bad weather?
I am just trying to get the gist of the dynamics here
so what happened with the ex?
My fiance hates the weathe here..
yes it gets very rainy up your way, yes I know that about Seattle
nice city though
I have complained about his actions before.. He is a mormon and this is not acceptable by the church.
I see but he is going ahead with what he wants
going out to bars every night is not endorsed by most churches I would think
He is now threatening to find someone else.. If I don't stop telling him that I am upset with his actions
does not sound very Christian to me at all
okay then the ball is in your court
have you thought this one through yet or is that why you are here? for help to sort this one out?
It is about going out late at night when people are drunk.. Maybe 4 times a week
okay but he has told you this is what he is going to do no matter what you say
so what is your next step on this?
Yes, He does not drink... He goes there to play pool and get attention
so he has told you this is what he is going to do and if you dont like it he will find another
He thinks I am being childish
so what is your next step?
what is your plan
Problem , I am dependent on him for income
the next choice you have to make is?
He uses this as leverage
how to find a way not to be dependent on him for income?
or find a way to put up with his behavior to retain the income
what do you think?
Yes, If a man loves a woman he would listen to her concerns
I think he onlly thinks about his needs..
I think that is pretty much so most of the time
but its not really about that right now
its about what you will do regardless of love
as income is the issue here
He was diagnosed by a professional to have Histrionic personilty charaistics
well so far you have not described that but thats okay as he seems to have other issues as well which are not so great for your relationship
my concern is you
what is your next step?
can you afford to find a way to live without his income
or must you tolerate his behaviors?
Very hard in this economy to find another job.. I am older
yes I know
He knows this. He said I was a gold digger
have you been out of work? for a long time?
and what kind of work did you do?
I worked for him for a period of time in the beginning
what kind of work was that?
Event planning.. sales
and events are surely down in this rotten economy, no one has the money to throw an event anymore
He bullying and makes threats that are hurtful.. Yes,
so tell me what you can do
you cannot change him, he will not change
so you have to make a very tough decision here
If I don't apologise to him now he will find someone else and cut me off.
you have to find work (I know that is nearly impossible in this economy) or apply for benefits
and get out of his life
or you have to go along with his behaviors and not nag him to stop
I guess I needed confirmation
you know he lives so far away from you
of what I already know what to do
I am wondering if you cant turn a blind eye until there is a way for you to be on your feet
and then give him the heave ho
I know that is not very Christian like advice
Sure , I agree.. Tell me I am not crazy for telling hims he is out of line for going out late at night..
but it is practical and I am all for practical
I think you are both different and no I do not think you are crazy
I just think he is what he is and you are not
and I have not been out to a bar much less four nights in a row since my early twenties in college
Come on a man going out late at night in a bar? What do you think he is looking for?
You know he is a lonely middle aged guy who is overweight and perhaps for five minutes a bar maid gives him a wink
I have not been out there in over thirty years, I dont know what goes on in bars? LOL
He does play pool.. He craves attention specially from women
I am just guessing as you are.
He lives on the beach in so. cal.. party town central
okay then so I am sure there are some lovely ladies who patronize the bar or who work there and they flirt with him
and he enjoys the attention
I know if an attractive young man gave me a wink I would be thrilled
but most just call me granny
so no way to know
okay I see you are disconnected
so you make up your mind, do whatever is best for you and stay safe
I told him he should have no problem with me going out by myself.. But I don't want to do this.. I know what would happen
take good care now
Night now and no more texting girl, get some rest.
Thank you for listening
My pleasure. I hope this works out for you.