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Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience:  Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
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For Suzanne... Thanks so much. So I find it interesting that

Resolved Question:

For Suzanne... Thanks so much. So I find it interesting that you think his response with get a life was lame. He clearly has baggage with her and is not over her. So why keep coming back to me, why the roller coaster relationship with me. What am I to him? 
He also keeps saying that she broke his heart very badly, something my mother says I cant compete with a girl who broke a mans heart. No matter what he says, she thinks he will always want her. 

Also my boyfriend is middle eastern. Iranian to be exact. My mother feels that because of his culture he is more than likely to chase after his sons mother, becuase it is him and he cant get away from his culture. Its a possesion thing for him. I dont believe that so much. he was born in Iran and raised here in the states since he was 14. Any validity to that. 

Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Suzanne replied 5 years ago.
Well, yes..."get a life" doesn't do anything but attack--that's why it's lame. If he had any reasons for what he said, he would have a defense. He doesn't --so he attacked.

Yes, I think your mother has a very valid point. His formative years were spent in a male-dominant culture that sees women somewhat as possessions. For her to have his son, and have another man is a real slap in the face. The early years of life are when cultural ideas are taken in. If he had come here at age 3, he might have had a better chance of escaping those ideas. He may talk and act very much like someone raised in the American culture, but deep inside, he really has a different interpretation of things.

He keeps coming back to you because you let him. A man will always take physical comfort from a woman if it's offered. He also likes having someone that he can use to make her see that he can get someone else. If you stopped having intimacy with him, I would be willing to bet that he would no longer come around. I believe you are being used in this situation.

I have to be honest with you. I think you are trying to convince yourself that this man is for you. He isn't. He has already cheated. He's hung up on his son's mother. There is nothing in anything that you've written to me or to other experts that gives one iota of evidence that he is serious and committed to you.

Do yourself a favor and read this book: Temptations of the Single Girl It will help you figure out who is worth your time and affection and who isn't. I sincerely XXXXX XXXXX this man is not worth what you are going through for him.
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