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I am a married man for the past 12 years having a happy marriage

and a nine year old...
I am a married man for the past 12 years having a happy marriage and a nine year old daughter. For the past one month I was chating with a 28 year old girl in Facebook. She admited to me that she likes me and she find me very attractive. I explained her that I am a married man and since then we were chating on and off. Nothing happened not even saw each other in person. My wife saw the communication last Tuesday and since then we are having big problems in our relationship. She does not want me near her, she feels betrayed by me. She is accusing me of cheating on her and she lost her trust to me.
Please give your comments. I need help how to restore my marriage.
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Answered in 2 hours by:
10/16/2011
AgapeDoc
AgapeDoc, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 197
Experience: Dr. W. D. Nicholas is a relationship expert & can help families or organizations become more effective.
Verified

AgapeDoc :

Thank you for contacting Just Answer...

AgapeDoc :

Let me see if I can help in this situation.

AgapeDoc :

OK... I have read your post and I think I can help....

AgapeDoc :

It is my intention to answer your question and exceed your expectations. If you are satisfied with my efforts, will you click on the green accept button?

AgapeDoc :

OK.... I see you have stepped for a moment. I will go ahead and try and answer your question with what you have posted so far.

AgapeDoc :

I understand that from your vantage point, you did the commendable thing by explaining to the 28 year old girl that you are married.

AgapeDoc :

I won't disagree with you - but I will suggest that you see things from her vantage point.

AgapeDoc :

That is to say that from your wife's vantage point, she feels betrayed because you made an emotional connection with another woman. She very likely sees this as an emotional affair. She also suspects that if this continues, the 28 year old will continue to pursue you and eventually it may very well be too much for any man to resist. If fact, she may feel like she she must be perfect everyday, because her replacement is waiting to jump in at the first sign of troubles.

AgapeDoc :

Remember, women are generally much more emotional whereas men are more practical (again generally speaking). So, she feels betrayed. I suggest that most men would feel a little threatened if the roles were different as well (you may or may not feel this way).

AgapeDoc :

As for restoring your marriage, you need to stop communicating with this 28 year old, tell your wife you realize your mistake, and promise her you will never do it again (and follow through).

AgapeDoc :

I suggest that you also buy two copies of the book Love Languages by Chapman. You and your wife should each read your own copy and discuss it at least once a week.

Customer:

My wife is asking for some time to try to forgive me. For the time she does not want even to see or hear my voice

AgapeDoc :

You may have to agree to this - but ask her to specify the time - is it a week, a month, ten days......

Customer:

From her saying it must be a month.

Customer:

She does not even want me to touch her. About sex forget about it

Customer:

Doctor are you Greek? Your name seems to be Greek

AgapeDoc :

If you want to repair your marriage, then agree with her terms. But... ask her to let you know if she reconsiders during this month to shorten the time.

AgapeDoc :

I am part Greek. Remember, it will be a month without sex for both of you.... so that is why I suggest that you ask her to let you know if she wants to shorten the time.

AgapeDoc :

In my experience, the more you agree with her, the shorter the time will be.

Customer:

During our recent fights she used to throw things to me even tried to punch me on the face. She became hysterical

AgapeDoc :

I would like to suggest another book for you after you finish the first one I recommended. It is an old classic called Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. You will find that men sometimes think that it is enough to make their wife feel that the wife is the most important women in their life. However, women want men to think of their wife as the ONLY woman in their life.

AgapeDoc :

I would not stand for physical abuse, and this definitely seems over the top for your actions as you have presented them here. However, you said you wanted to save your marriage and what I have suggested is sound and has worked for countless others.

AgapeDoc :

I wish you all the best.

AgapeDoc :

If you are satisfied with my efforts on the question you posed, please don't forget to click on the green accept button.

AgapeDoc
AgapeDoc, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 197
Experience: Dr. W. D. Nicholas is a relationship expert & can help families or organizations become more effective.
Verified
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Customer reply replied 6 years ago

Do you find my case a serious one that can lead to divorce or it is matter of time to go back to normal?

 

 

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Customer reply replied 6 years ago

Dear Doctor I find your answers very helpful in dealing with my wife. What about the need to go out with her friends for a drink/coffee. Last week she went out 4 times unusual for her. Is it a reaction?

 

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Customer reply replied 6 years ago

As a summary you would say that I should give her the time she needs to calm after the shock and then things will go back to normal?

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AgapeDoc
AgapeDoc
AgapeDoc, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 197
197 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Dr. W. D. Nicholas is a relationship expert & can help families or organizations become more effective.

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