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Suzanne, Therapist, LCSW
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 919
Experience:  Experienced in treating trauma, relationship issues, co-dependency
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I am a 63 yr old female . I have an a close relative that is

Customer Question

I am a 63 yr old female . I have an a close relative that is a 62 yr old female that I have some real concerns about. Maybe you can help how to handle this.
I will call my relative A and man in her life B. I will be C
A met B at a Author meet & greet book signing. B sucessfully writes vampire books that A has read.
B took a liking to A and wanted to see her again, however they live 800 miles from each other. B is in his late 30's! A & B have both had weight loss surgery. B is still heavy & A has lost several pounds. B flew to A city 10 days after meeting for a weekend at a family gathering 300 miles away. C was going to drive A & B to the family weekend 5 hrs away. The trip was delayed for a couple of hours because B lost his glasses & had to get another pair. The trip was awful. B complained about everything, C's driving, wanted to stop & eat several times, over-the top purchase when we did stop, loading up on junk food and 50 pks of Baseball cards. Very high maintenance. Complained his hernia was bothering him the entire 5 hrs in the back seat. C finally tolod him to shut up. He was constantly texting or playing games on his smart phone. A thought he was charming & funny. Got to family gathering which was up a dirt road 3 miles in the middle of nowhere. C just miggled with family staying away from A & B. Next morning A was pounding on my cabin door & acted like there was an emergency. A wanted my keys to drive to town because B needed RED BULL to function. 4 days later we drove home and had the same experience on the trip as when we came. (I know this is long but trying to keep it condensed). So A & B unpacked C'c car and loaded their gear in to A's car left. As C was unpacking ;her car, it took 45 min to clean akll the garbage that B left in the back seat inclouding a Cooler with his writing notebook in it among other things. I tried to call A but go no answer/left message & texted because B was leaving the next day to fly home. No response. Work the next day. Going to stop here. The RED FLAGS just keep coming B says he has been in a relationship with another 62 yr old woman but she died of a stroke. he has been married before & has 8 yr old son, he says he was a professional Poker player at one time, but his income is now from his writing only--no other job & A told me he was on medicastion for OCD. All these red flags and now A said she is in love with him 1 month later. C is so worried A is going in the wrong direction and C does not know how to intervene. In fact B is coming to A's house in 0 days to spend a week with A. A has invited C's daughter & husband to have dinner together while he is here but told C's daughter that A is not inviting C because she believes C does niot like or approve of B. Dah! ya thing. Help. Thank you C
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Suzanne replied 6 years ago.

Dear "C"

Thank you for bringing your question to Just Answer!

It sounds as if your friend is "star-struck" and is not interested in hearing any opposing opinions. B's behavior sounds very bizarre, and perhaps spending ten days with him will be enough time for the glow to wear off. Maybe if she has to clean up after him the way you had to clean your car his behavior won't seem so charming.

Your friend clearly knows where you stand. And she doesn't sound like she's thinking very clearly right now (the 'red bull emergency'). The more you try to get her to see the red flags that are so obvious, the more she may feel she has to "defend" him. It may be more effective to adopt a "to each her own" attitude when with her.

It's virtually impossible to convince someone who thinks she in love that she's making a mistake. I know you're worried about her, but her shutting you out of her dinner party shows how determined she is to convince herself she wants to be with this man. Hopefully, if he continues to show odd behavior like he did on the trip, spending 10 days with him might be the antidote that wakes her up.

As her friend and relative, about all you can to is be ready to comfort her if /when she gets her heart broken. It's hard to stand by and watch a friend make a mistake, but trying to talk a 62 year old woman out of what she may see as her last chance for love, could drive a wedge into your relationship with her.