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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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hi i have recently got married & found i am now 5wks pregnant,

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i have recently got married & found i am now 5wks pregnant, my husband & i have always had a stormy relationship mainly due to him being away often for his job, he is ex military & now works in the oil industry which means he is used to working away from home but i have never got used to him being away for long periods of time, this has always been a problem for us & after every argument we agree this has to stop because it is ruining our relationship, but its now affecting everything as we cant go through a week now without a major argument. I find myself insecure & unloved because he is away for so long at a time & take my insecurities out on him, i feel used by him because im always here keeping the home while he is always away & feel resentful towards him when he comes home & pick fights with him over little things which then in turn makes him feel devalued as from his point of view he is only doing this job to get us out of the financial mess we are in, so then i feel guilty & promise i wont do it again but i always do & im scared i cant stop it. It has come to a head now as he has requested more work just to avoid coming home as he knows that i will give him grief over something when he gets back, i know at the moment if nothing changes we will have to seperate especially now there is a baby involved, please help me as i dont want that to happen.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

If you really want to remain together you have to allow a professional to sort this. you have tried on your own and it isn't working. You have insecurities but your lifestyles don't match. His absence feeds your insecurities. You can take several routes for this. One is to go to counseling on your own so that you can explore why you feel insecure and how to communicate this to him. Find a marriage counselor that is a better fit. Sometimes counselors have no impact because there just isn't that connection that you need to work together. Google etherapy and ecounseling so that you can participate in therapy in your livingroom so that you can take the inconvenience out of it. Learn some communication skills including the Rules of Fair Fighting in Mars and Venus Together Forever. With one of these solutions you may find ways to compromise and his need to avoid can be eliminated.


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