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Cathy, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1436
Experience:  Ms, MS.Ed., thirty years clinical practice
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Hi Cathy Well I did as suggested, and I agree it was the

Customer Question

Hi Cathy

Well I did as suggested, and I agree it was the correct idea, but it has not made life that more easier

I told her how I felt, and she replied that as she had had just been let down in her past relationship (about 4 months ago) hey boyfriend cheated on her, they were together 3 years and they had talked marriage, she was not planing a new relationship so soon, did not want to hurt me but wished to be friends.

Not wanting to lose her, I choose to remain friends, however since this talk, we have seen each other more, and I do get the feeling that some of her remarks are aimed at me proving myself a little, or maybe proving to her that not all men are shits.

I feel that I could give her all of my time, not only is she very beautiful to me , but I enjoy her humour, conversations, company, food tastes, clothes taste indeed there is nothing that I do not truly like

So much so that I am at the moment ignoring all other Female admirers and yes I have a few, but this lady has taken me, often she brushes against me, she does not withdraw if we touch, but does hold back from further advances though, but she carries on planning future events with me.

She seems to test my availability, often hoping we meet at short notice, and when I had to leave recently she seemed upset, and kinda wondered what was more important, but with out her commitment I some how need to keep my other friends

I don't really know how to play this, I certainly don't want her to get hurt, not with what has happened in her past relationship, if only she would commit , I would stick with her 100%

I know many guys would be happy to be in my position, with more than one potential girlfriend , but I am not happy as she is the one that I would truly like to be with, she is the one I spend my time with, but were both struggling

Any suggestions on this situation greatly appreciated

Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Cathy replied 6 years ago.

Cathy :

Hi Richard, let me know when you are back online so we can live chat about this further. In the interim, yes I agree with you too. I think you are so brave and so honest. Cathy

Cathy and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Hi cathy

I don't get that much time online I am happy with
Email correspondence

What are your thoughts on my current situation

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Well , we never got that far, I persevered and still persevere with the relationship, but think I have made a hash of it

We kept seeing each other as friends, and then I pushed the question little too far, I suggested that I was finding it too difficult just being friends, and being a fool said that there was other ladies that wanted to go out with me, but I wanted no one but her

She said that she had began to feel closer to me, but still she could not commit, and that she did not feel it fair that I should not see other females, (not the answer I was waiting for) she then said that Of course she wished I could wait, but she had no answer as to what would happen if I did

Either I am completely mad, but I see and feel love in her, but something (maybe the ex boyfriend) seems to hold it back, I do feel that she is very confused, she is taking her career to seriously, I feel she is trying to hold back the pain the ex boyfriend has given her

What I am finding extremely strange is that I am being faithful to her, even though she is not officially my girlfriend, I do have 2 other ladies chasing me, one of which would jump into bed with me if only I just said yes, but I don't want to say yes, because I want to be faithful to the lady who is not officially my girlfriend. Of course as a guy, my Man brain is telling me one thing, while my sensible brain is telling me another, and at he moment I am able to listen to my sensible brain. The other lady has most certainly expressed an interest in a relationship, and of course I keep avoiding the subject as I love the one that I cannot seem to have.

Lets make matters worse, there all aged between 32 and 37 and here is me aged 52 complaining, but just because of my age, I cannot change my values, the 1 I like most is about her personality, the fact we do not argue, we both admit we enjoy each others company and of course I love her beauty, but the 3 of them are all attractive, so this does not seem to be a lust thing, more of whom I feel best with and whoms company I enjoy

Tonight we were out, but I was hurting inside as I could not see how I could take it forward, we seem to have reached a stalemate, I think I tried to push her jealousy button and I think that backfired on me, but also I did not want her to hear of anyone else as I feel her confidence might be further damaged

If only , she could say ok lets try, I would not even consider the others. Tell me I am making a hash of this, as it is all becoming rather confusing, and I am truly only trying to settle down with one, of course idealy the one that does not seem ready just now

Expert:  Cathy replied 5 years ago.

Hi and thanks for dropping me a line Richard. She still cant commit, so its up to you. How long do you think you can wait for her to change her mind? How is it that you have lost so much confidence in yourself that you think this is the only woman for you? Let me know, Thanks< Cathy

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Hi Cathy

You have a good point, have I lost that much confidence in myself ?, I am not sure there are others that will date me, but she became my number one choice, and I have to say that in many ways she still is, but I am forcing myself to back off, I find her a truly wonderful person to be with, we never run out of conversation, and it only goes sour when I try to go further.

She has told me her ex boyfriends, affair has taken away all her self confidence, and I try to give it back, I also know that her Ex is trying to win her back and I think this confuses the issue between us, as one day she is closer, another she is further apart.

I truly believe that I love her, but I also feel that I have to leave her be, its a sort of "If you love her, then let her go feeling"

I did think of taking some relationship counselling, I want a relationship, amazing 52 and finally ready to settle down, and can't get the one he wants, but has 3 or 4 others he doesn't want, poor poor me, most guy would say I am doing well, but it does not truly feel that way.

I don't get a great deal of spare time, business, acting school, evening classes and girlfriends you know the sort of thing most 52 year old guys get up to, why the hell I am complaining I don't know, but I am.

I would be happy to discus and counsel via email, happy to pay also, not sure that I want to go for therapy, what do you think about all this