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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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This is maybe going to take a while, Ive been friends with

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This is maybe going to take a while, I've been friends with a lady for a year now. But my feelings for her turned to being more than friends. I then told her how I feel and she said that it would not work between us because I am a year younger than she is and I work away from home during the week, wich would'nt work for her. Since then we have gone on a couple of casual "dates" if you can call it that, and there has been some chemistry. Both times she initiated it but she says she doesnt want to give me the wrong idea. I want to comfront her about it but at the same time I'm scared of pushing her away. Now for the question, do I talk to her about it and why if she initiates it she still says she doesnt want to give me the wrong idea?? this is really confusing me.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

It sounds like she is sending mixed messages and you should want to know which she really means. Sometimes people who have only friendly intentions are comfortable going out on those terms. You have to figure out whether they were dates or just a get together between friends. Was there sexual intentions. Was there any physical affection. Was there talk about being a couple. You have to really rehash these in your own mind. Sometimes actions speak louder than words.


I think I would ask her but not in a pushy way. Tell her you are receiving mixed signals and this is leading to confusion. Whatever answer you get has to be the answer. You don't know if you could work on this relationship gradually over the next few months. I know she has said she doesn't want the wrong idea but you can still ask her about the signals you are getting.


It may be as you said not the right time. It is up to you to hang in there or not. Maybe you will never be more than friends or that could change tomorrow


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Customer: replied 5 years ago.

Thank you, XXXXX XXXXX a degree this is not helping. It is exactly how I've interpreted the situation. It would help a great deal if you could tell me if it seems like she is playing games, not sure what she is feeling or just using me to fill her current voide..

Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
I see your concern. If she says she doesn't want to give you the right idea then there is no game playing. She doesn't want a partner right now. She is saying it. The "dates' are probably getting together with a friend. No one can predict the future but she is being clear. You don't have to interpret "I don't want to give you the wrong idea". Be her friend. The chemistry may be on your part. Sorry
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