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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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Ive been dating a girl from work now for 6 years . Last month

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I've been dating a girl from work now for 6 years . Last month she moved into my home . My concern is from the time we started seeing each other and even now , with her living with me , she denies to everyone we are in a relationship . When I ask why , she keeps telling me she wants to keep her personal and business life separate . Well , that was OK after a year , but she lives with me . We vacation together , if anyone asks , she says it was just a coincidence we were out of work at the same time .It seems to me , there is some underlying reason she refuses to admit to others we are in a relationship . Do you know of any reasons why she would be doing this , even if it is something I don't want to hear . It's not like everyone doesn't know already . We've been going to lunch everyday for almost 6 years
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 5 years ago.



Six years is indeed a long time for her to say something like this. As far as her reasons, they can be multiple. 1/ she is not fully emotionally invested in the relationship and thinks that by making these statements, she'd in some way remain distant. The reason for emotional distancing may be something she's fully aware of as in fear of commitment or not really aware of completely as in using this statement as some sort of a defense mechanism (denial) 2/ She may truly believe what she's saying- she wants to keep others rather than you at a distance phrasing it keeping personal from business life (whether everyone else is falling into that business category is another issue) 3/ she may on some level want to keep her options in case there is a heartbreak (but you've already been an item for six years)

Even if it seems to you that there is underlying reason, she may not be conscious of it and the behavior may be driven by subconscious forces such as- surrendering to the relationship she fears she'd lose her sense of self and freedom.

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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Just curious if it could be a friend at work she doesn't want to give up . He is the one person she seems to be adamant on telling there is no relationship , even though they have never gone out . For the most part , he is the only one that asks her direct questions , concerning our relationship .