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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Hi there! Ill try to make this quick, I am 49 and have been

Resolved Question:

Hi there!
I'll try to make this quick, I am 49 and have been dating a man same age for 6 months.He has had a past of substance abuse and has been clean for 7 years and is probably about the nicest guy I have ever met, he treats me well and we go to chuch together and have a great time with each other. I am a mom of a disabled son and am a very independant responsible mom but is not afraid to let him help when he wants to and seems to be very accepting of my son. He is a good man and treats me well. Problem, he is a live-in caregiver for a mentally challenged couple and gets paid very well for very little work. I'm afraid that even though he says he wants to get out of there I don't think he wants to become a responsible working man and live in the real world. He even described his situation as getting paid to live his old life. (homeless and living with others and a stent in prison). Funny thing is, he is a very clean, calm organized man and can't even picture that past with him. There is a second problem that I have been just to embarrased to ask even my closest friends, he expects me to learn how to "deep" throat him and said his last gf was willing, but I truly think it's just a control issue and if he was'nt such a decent guy to me in the rest of this relationship he's already be at the curb. This "quirk" does not suit the rest of him and it frustrates me that he tries to control our relationship with this because he really doesn't have any control over me anywhere else nor does he need to , but how do I tell him that our relationship would be better off with out this issue and that he should consider himself lucky to have someone accept him and his confused. Cindy
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

It sounds like he has some positive qualities but I too would very skeptical of someone who is content to function in a occupational situation where it seems like he is comfortable skating by in this fashion. What if something changes with that couple? Is this experience going to count somewhere else. You have to ask yourself if he has any ambition. It's great that he is nice but is he going to contribute to the household. He could be using some of that time to go to school or learn a skill.


Of course the other issue is this sexual requirement he has. I would have to know if he can be satisified with a sexual relationship that doesn't include this act. People who are about each other get together all the time and choose for their partner's comfort level to give up something they like for the sake of the relationship. How is he going to actt if this doesn't happen. He isn't the deciding vote. He is part of a partnership and you should have an equal say. It doesn't matter about his other girlfriends. They aren't involved. And absolutely you should not be made to feel guilty. I think it should be asked one time and that's it. You shouldn't have to do this unless you are completely comfortable with it. If he can't be satisfied with acts that you can do together than this isn't the relationship for you. It is destined for heartache. You will know how motivated he is to be a couple when you tell him that you won't do it.


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