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I can't understand whether the things that were hidden in the beginning were hidden by her or by you. Can you explain that?
I think the frustrations you have over her jumping to conclusions and you not being able to make her see things from your side of the phone and actually reach an understanding and safety with each other are big. But such misinterpretation happens all the time on the distance communication media. Most of the relationship goes on in the heads of each of you separately, so each of you builds the kind of romantic aircastle that suits your present needs and fantasies.
Sooner or later these separate imaginary romances will have to clash with reality and start to exist with more realistic expectations. I would write her that you do want to come see her, and tell her that you don't want these emotionally based misunderstandings to sabotage your relationship. So you would like to visit her and talk in person about what you might be able to be as partners. It's a risk on your part, yes. but if she doesn't want to talk, it might mean that she's much happier with a virtual romantic relationship than with a face to face one in person where the outcomes are so much more unpredictable and responses have to be coached
I'd say the sooner you find out whether you both want a relationship the oldfashioned way, the sooner you can build something worth having, instead of a fantasy conversation that could trip over itself at any moment.
Norman Brown, PhD, LMFT
Well when i said hidden tere was some things at the beginning i felt a little unconforable saying at first like with some of my medical situation and these things.After reveling them she didn't get very sad or frutraded but just a little upset about why i coulden't say them before and why i held back on it.But the biggest issue now has been about this very stupit thing i've twisted that just was about this apoinment that i said i had..We have made plans about our relatiosnhip and been viising each other many times..I'll always treated her nicely and never cheated on her which she trust i haven't..So it's just a little confusing when i'm not able to get her to open about things now and that she is not open to me at the time.? From the last relatiosnhip coach i got had conatch with here she said that i should wait with the conact becouse she is not able to get here mind strait when she feel like you are hunting for an apoligize..So just felt a little frutraded when i didn't get to much out of her on thsi last conversaion.