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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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Ive hit a rough patch in relationship in which my gf says

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I've hit a rough patch in relationship in which my gf says she's not feeling the spark...we went out and had a nice time, kissed and hugged and enjoyed the night...later she wrote me saying that she was grateful for all i've done for her and how i've been and that she loves me very much...i know she's all confused and today we've talked, very normal and she's been starting the conversations..we haven't broken up, should i pull back a bit and see what happens? could her actions mean saying good bye?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 6 years ago.
Do not pull back, you want to show her that the spark has never left. Some times things happen in life where feeling get blocked. What you need to do is look at when this all started. Did something happen in her life that changed things in the relationship? Did something happen in you relationship with each other that made her put up walls. People often protect their hearts and pull away or say thing they don't mean. She might be trying to tell you something and just wants you to understand. I would try setting up something romantic and really listening to what is going on with her. You both need to establish the connection you once had. I don't want you to get discouraged. I want you to continue to love her and show her that this relationship can work and you both are just going through a stage in your relationship. If you have any more questions I am here to answer.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Ok we have a long she brought me to the airport and we both were more loose, said we had a good time i thanked her for everything and she said i didn't have to and thanked me for coming to her graduation...we were more caring hugged more and kissed each other, i can tell that she loves me but has some confusion at the time...i don't want to push her or suffocate her so i'm just being me...she has a ticket to visit me next week but we didn't talk about it, not sure if she's coming or not...what's on my mind if this farewell was for now or for good, i could feel she cared about me but not sure what i can do...
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
i guess that what's on my mind is that she said she wasn't feeling that chemistry for her to want to put all herself into the relationship but we didn't break up, we went out next day and things were better and today it was even better...not sure why the break up didn't happen, wouldn't want it to be over phone while being away
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 6 years ago.
I want you to talk with her and reassure her that you are not going anywhere. When someone says that they are not sure how the other person feels. They are struggling to figure out if they should put all their effort into something that they are only going to lose. She is nervous that you might not be feeling the chemistry. I would talk too her right away about the plane ticket and if she is coming to visit. That is so important that you tell her you want to see her. Tell her you are going to plan something special. I feel like she wants to see more that she might want you to prove too her that this relationship is worth it.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Ok the part of the chemistry is form her side, that she said on sunday she wasn't feeling it. Then we saw each other last night and it was a nice time. Today our goodbye was great we hugged and kiss but never spoke about our future. We're still on the relationship, I just want for her to feel again that spark. I care for her and lover her, I felt that she cares for me as well but says was confused. Don't know if it's an excuse for something else but I'm behaving as usual. She said that it wasn't our best trip but thanks for coming, not a word on let's continue or let's break, should I prepare for a breakup or just continue along normally. She knows I love her and have done things for her, what can I do so she can feel that again on her side and want to work for us
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 6 years ago.
She had said it wasn't your best trip. I think she is looking for more in this relationship. She wants to maybe do something different. I want you to look at if you both always do the same thing every time you visit. You want to create a new spark by doing something new, even if it is talking about new things. I feel she is trying to see where this relationship is going. The signs she is giving you is wanting more. I think you need to ask her what she need from this relationship. Communicating on how she feels is very important right now. She is struggling with her feelings, you need to reassure her that this relationship is always enveloping into more. But don't change who you are always be yourself.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Hi Deardebra,

Ok we spoke during these days, not about the issue but normally..kidding around and saying i care about you etc...we say i love you to each other, both of us contact the other, she says that she's in love and it's obvious that she loves me...told her that i missed her than when was she coming and she said that this week as planned...everything nice, just one thing: today she changed her email password, should i put thought on that or just assume it's for privacy?

also please let me know if you get the accepts because i have unlimited questions but had an issue with another one which the person didn't get the money.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 6 years ago.
You do not have anything to worry about because she changed her password. That s common for people to change their password. This time that she comes I want you do something totally different. I want you to set up something really romantic. I feel like she needs to know how much you care and be shown how much you care. She tell you she loves you so there is no problem there. It is just a matter of you showing her how much you want to be in this relationship. The only way I can get paid for my answers is if you hit the accept button on the questions I answer for you. You both need to find that spark you once had and I feel that you need to be more expressive on how you feel. She could be bored wight he relationship or need more out of the relationship.
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