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Ask Dr. Shirley Schaye Your Own Question
Dr. Shirley Schaye
Dr. Shirley Schaye, Doctor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1673
Experience:  PhD-Psych; Certif. Psychoanalyst NPAP& NYFS; Memb.APsaA;IPA; Pub.Author; Teach/Supervise Therapy
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I am in a relationship with the father of my twins. I traveled

Customer Question

I am in a relationship with the father of my twins. I traveled to japan on active duty to be with him but he ended up being with someone else and this hurt me very badly because the other woman knew my babysitter and has talked about him with her. I have been humiliated and embarrassed and yet he doesn't want our relationship to end he won't stop seeing her and I have to deal with him because of our kids. He has to have my house keys to get our girls while I'm working because he lives in the barracks. I feel trapped like there is no way around this and I have no friends to distract me from my depression
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr. Shirley Schaye replied 5 years ago.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Thank you for contacting Just Answer. Thank you for serving our country. I am so...ooo very sorry to hear about this and about how much he is hurting you. First, please excuse my ignorance about what services are available to you where you are. I don't know this, nor know where you are. So please bring me up to date about that. Where you and he are. Are you still in Japan where he is? Have you tried talking to him? If you haven't already, you might try sitting down with him and discussing with him whether he would go to couples therapy with you. Start off with saying, for the sake of the children. If he agrees then the couples counselor will take it from there and, of course, will get into your relationship with the both of you.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

If he does not agree to go to couples counseling, I would strongly urge you to seek out a therapist for yourself. You don't deserve to have to deal with this pain by yourself.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

Let me know where you are, including zip code, so that I can assist you in finding help. If he would agree to couples counseling, that would be great because then you would have a neutral party dealing with him and discussing the impact on the children of his behaviour and, of course, it would get to dealing with the relationship between the two of you.

Dr. Shirley Schaye :

I see you are offline so I'll pause here and await your response so that we may continue with our chat.