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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I am 45 years old and have not dated in 19 years. Single mother

Customer Question

I am 45 years old and have not dated in 19 years. Single mother of 3 adult children. I met a man at work who ask me out sept 2009. He is 58 divorced doctor and pastor. Well we we began dating. We lived an hour apart. He has a dr office as well as work for a group where I also work. At first we would talk on a regular basis. And would try to see each other around our busy schedules. I would sometimes spend the night at his house. We would fool around but he only obtain an erection once however we did not have intercourse only oral. In February he instantly began to change. He later explained that he was depressed cause it was his deceased mothers birthday. One night at dinner in february he told me about another lady he had been seeing that he was breaking. Off the relationship and he wanted to be with just. We keep in contact 3 to 4 times a week. See each other at work and in July he went to Florida with me and my children and grandchildren. We had no sexual contact other than kissing and holding hands. This wednesday I went to dinner set up by a physician at out office and in walk my friend with another female. He spoke to me like a fellow coworker. I of course was very upset. I know he was not expecting me to be their. Well Friday I finally called to confront him about the situation and he then told me that he was seeing other people and if I was to blame anyone for this situation it should be our coworker Laura because he asked her if I was gonna be and she told him no. I could tell that he was in the car and not alone. He then admitted that he did not feel the same way about me as I do him almost 1 year into the relationship and if it's okay could he call me next week to see how I doing after our discussion of course I said no. I did a lot for this man. Brought clothes for his grand children when I shopped for mine. Took or had him delivered lunch. Picked up groceries when I went shopping. if saw something I knew he could use or liked I would get. I am confused and feel used why would he let this go on for so long. I really am scared to date I don't like the way it feels and I don't know if I can trust men. Any advice I
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 5 years ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Dear friend,

It is so unfortunate that you devoted so much time into this relationship, only to be dumped unceremoniously.

This is a manifestation of this one man. It has nothing to do with you. It has nothing to do with other men. This one man is a bit of a sociolpath. He has no feelings or regards XXXXX XXXXX and he uses other women for his one pleasure (or whatever he can muster up and call pleasure).

YOu sound like a wonderful woman. Of course you have to be on the lookout for men who tell lies, and justwant to use women for sex, or to be their helpers.

It was not possible for you so see this coming. Don't let it turn you off men altogether. There are a few good ones out there who would love to know and hookup with a good woman like yourself.

Use your gut feelings to try to test these men. See how they treat servants and waiters. See if they are free from harshness and have honest eyes. See if their smile shows real caring or is it just fake?

See if he listens to what you say, or just interupts. These are all signs of character.

I wish you the power to discern between good and evil, and the strength to keep your heart open.

God bless you,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Great answer it makes me feel better to get an answer from the male point. I appreciate it.

One more question when he calls how should I respond?
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 5 years ago.
The quickest thing to say (unless you really want to go through being used again) is:

"So nice of you to call. I really wish you the best in your life."

if he persists and wants to see you, just say "How sweet of you to ask, but I'm seeing someone right now"

He'll probably have to turn the page of his little black book (or his call list on his phone) and go to the next page.

And perhaps he won't even call. If he does you can win back some of your damaged self-respect by turning you down.

I wish you the very best.