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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I have been dating a man for about 9 months. We have so much

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I have been dating a man for about 9 months. We have so much in common and enjoy each other’s company but recently have come to an impasse. He is self employed and also has a lot of female friends. I really don’t have a problem with that. But he feels that I should have no problem with him getting together in the evening for drinks with single woman that he may have a business connection with or could possibly do business with in the future. He says that it is good for his business and that I need to trust him. I have told him that I have no problem with him having a business lunch but that I don’t see a need for him to conduct business in the evening in a bar with a woman who usually happens to be single. I have told him that this is a deal breaker for me and he has told me the same thing. He has no intention of changing his mind and no intention of planning his meetings earlier in the day even if it makes me feel better. On one occasion when I told him I didn’t really like the idea of him having an old school friend (female and single) over to his house for dinner and drinks he told me that if he had to cancel the dinner with her, he would resent me. That hurt more than the fact that he had her over to the house to begin with. I want to know if I am being unreasonable. Should I just trust him? He has not given me a reason not to but I know that he was unfaithful to his ex-wife. Am I just feeling insecure? I should also add that I know all of these things because he tells me everything. We don’t live in the same town and he could easily have dinner, drinks, or whatever and with whoever and I wouldn’t have a clue. Thank you for any advice you might be able to give me….
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.

You are being somewhat unreasonable and he hasn't given you a reason not to trust him. I can certainly understand your position. Many women would be very nervous. Unfortunately he seems to have a personality where he choose to interact with women and there is his business prospects. I see this as your having two choices. One is to have a relationship with him and learn to trust him. He isn't going to change. This will take work but it is possible. It must include a lot of communication and reassurance. The other is to let it go. If you really are uncomfortable with his interactions then that may be your best choice. You can't have insecurity in this relationship because he has been doing this a long time. It's your decision


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Customer: replied 6 years ago.

Can I let him know that I need more reassurance from him? We already communicate very well. what other ways could we work on this?

Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
You should definately tell him you need reassurance. If you communicate well then tell him what you need from him. The best way is positive communication. Then you will be able to interact with each other to resolve this as a couple
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