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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I am getting rather mixed messages from a girl i like. We have

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I am getting rather mixed messages from a girl i like. We have been emailing over the last month and she normally always replys quickly in a friendly kind of way. she will suddenly out of the blue say 'you are distracting me' or sometimes just not email back then email me totally out of the blue about something. I have also sent her a love msg one month ago with a gift and she has not responded or reacted to this. She declines anything i offer to buy her very definitily. She has also declined other offers like buying her coffees etc - however she still calls me and will email freely. I just don't know how to go from this point as i don't know if she is just wanting friendship or a relationship - i would like some advise on how find out if there if there is some interest or not. She is a shy person and i know she would find it very difficult to tell me her real thoughts if there was no interest in marrage. Any thougths on how i should approach her from this point?

When can i expect a response?

These definitely are mixed messages. You can't expect any messages because she only knows what she is feeling. I would end this once and for all by telling her you feel things have changed and if there is anything you can do to change things. You have to ask. Mixed messages are just that but that doesn't mean there is no hope. Tell her that you are having concerns and want to be more than friends. You have to be honest. Otherwise you will continue to be confused. Continuing the charade only keeps you confused. You aren't doing yourself any favors by not being honest or being silent about this. I would consider when she is responding the possibility of having a adequate conversation about this. Eliminate the guess work.


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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I agree with what you say - however i don't know if she is undecided and i am torn between giving her more time or just asking her outright. If she needs more time i do feel it wouldn't be appropriate to expect an answer as may come across as too pushy and not really respecting her feelings (which may have a negative impact). Just don't know if she does need more time which i am happy about and is having a battle inwardly and doesn't want to make a sudden decision or if she is just playing the game hopeing one day it will fizz out and too shy to respond her real feeling - as my family and hers are friends and our relationship may impact on this.
I would ask her out. But something nonthreatening like lunch or coffee. The only way to know if she needs more time you still won't know anyway. You should pay careful attention to cues but you can ask without being pushy. I wouldn't worry about family. That would all be worked out in the end. Deal right now with you and her. See how she is acting now and consider coffee.
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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I have brought this to a crunch and have asked her whether we can have a more personal conversation. She immediately back out and said she is not ready for it. She also has indicated that she would be happy to see me married to someone else. She is still happy however to continue talking however i just don't know if she is playing a game or if she really hasen't made up her mind. If she was out-right rejecting me i 'wouldn't have thought she would continue any conversation with me. I don't know if this is worth the effort and continue with this or just give up.
It is very strange that she would say she isn't ready. I would take a step back for now. You can just give her a little space and ask her again in a little while. I would consider that she is holding back so don't pursue too hard. You are right about talking which would mean there is some interest. I would assume that she hasn't made up her mind and take it slow. Don't wait forever though. You are doing all the right things
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
How long should i wait? should i ignore her and wait and see what happens? what signs should i look for that she is wanting to pursue further? Should I tell her I may be moving on or would this bring in distance?
If you are thinking of moving on let her know you should let her know that is a thought. when she responds she should give you clues about what she is thinking. I would do this when it is bothering you. Offer it as a discussion. If you she wants to pursue you she will show interest by being considerate, maintaining communication, showing you that she cares. I wouldn't ignore it. That shows you aren't interested. Have an honest discussion
Customer: replied 5 years ago.

I do believe that she is totally unable to make up her mind here but really want to express to her my feelings as i do truly love her and care about her. I think underneath she feels the same way. Any suggestions of words or phrases i could use to stir her emotions up to free her spirit? I would like to blow her away with expressing my feelings liberally.

I think you should -tell her that you love her-tell her that you will find life difficult without her-that her what you love about her-tell her that you will treat her well (and how you will do that)-tell her that you want no one else- you get the idea!

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