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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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A girl at my boyfriends place of work (in uni breaks) has

Resolved Question:

A girl at my boyfriend's place of work (in uni breaks) has told him over and over again, for the past 20 months that she loves him. She's been trying to break us up for the whole of that time. She calls him two or three times a day. He doesn't answer the phone so she also texts him. It's not really bothered him before, but one night last week 12.50am she called him and half asleep and thinking it was me, answered the phone. Since then, he's been fantasising about having sex with her, and last night he dreamt they had sex at his apartment. I'm feeling very upset about this. We have been together for six years and i can't imagine being without him. He's being quite nasty and impatient to me too. I asked him if he loves her and said no he loves me. What am i to do?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.

It sounds like this girl's behavior is very troubling as it would be for most girlfriends. The fact that she won't take a hint is more frustrating. The person able to change this is him. If this is a relationship issue he needs to address this with her - once and for all. If he is inconsistent then she won't believe that her efforts are useless. No one is going to be that persistent unless there is hope. He can put a stop to it.


As far as the fantasizing he I guess is telling you all this. That adds to your insecurity. Actually dreams are the result of a subconscious process and doesn't mean he loves her. Fantasizing however is conscious. That he has control over. If he is fantasizing that is an issue. These fantasies are a choice. This is something that is going to take a lot of positive communication on both your parts. She is not a threat in a healthy relationship but this fantasizing is troublesome. Try to find out what part he is playing in this scenario.


I think the key is with him. Tell him first to put an end to the calls even if it means changing the number. Ask him to explain to you why he is doing this and help him understand how it makes you feel to have him fantasizing about someone else. Work on this together.


If this has been helpful press accept

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
He has tried on numerous occasions to stop her from doing these things. She even turns up on his nights out and he doesn't even know how she's found out where he will be. He has been brought up to never be rude to a lady. He says she is a lady and he can't bring himself to be rude to her. She told him the day she left work to go to University just over a year ago that he would never be rid of her. Since then the calls and texts have not stopped once. And in the holidays she goes back to work at his bank. The management have moved them into an office together, right out of the way of everyone else, it couldn't be worse, they have played right into her hands. On 17th Sept. my boyfriend has to go away overnight to see a client. This has been arranged for some time. His bank told him to keep this date clear. Now it turns out that because she also worked on their case, she has to go too. She's delighted. I'm dreading it. Although i trust him, i don't obviously trust her. She's capable of pulling all kinds of horrible stunts just to get into his bed. I can't go with him on this trip and i'm dreading it. I've asked him to tell her he wants no problems with her. He says he will, but i think he might find it too hard and he will think it's being impolite.
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
I would be as forceful as I had to be to get this to end short of aggressive. She sounds crazy. The office is over the top. Have him ask superiors to move him back or away from her. He has a right to be happy. Oh my god. She goes too. He has to talk to his bosses. That means brutally honest. Tell them that she is stalking him. I would take comfort in that he is trustworthy. It takes two. If you really trust him then take comfort in that. People don't have sex because they are being impolite. He has to participate in all of this. Keeping himself from doing inappropriate things isn't hard. If he isn't going to have sex with her it shouldn't be hard. Talk to him about your concerns even if it was the day before
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