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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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So I have known this guy for 3 years and have felt an attraction,

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So I have known this guy for 3 years and have felt an attraction, but didn't follow up on it until recently. After a lot of talking and questions and time together, because I didn't want to get used again we had a wonderful night of sex and cuddling. 6 days later we had a chance to get together for a couple hours and went out to eat. He started talking quietly after we ordered and asked me if I could please keep a promise and after awhile I said yes. He then proceeded to tell me he was a swinger and talk about it. I mostly listened and felt he was telling me this to shock me, which it did. It was a very crowded place and many people there knew one or the other of us so I didn't feel like I could talk or react. I feel he was trying to make sure and be honest with me but I also wonder why he didn't say something when we talked so much before. He apologized profusely and told me he was going to a "meet and greet" over the weekend with some others. I am confused and not sure what to do cause my heart is already involved. I have been monogomas my whole life and I don't know whether to run or take a chance and try this myself. What do you think?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.

You have to consider his timing as being part of his lifestyle. He isn't going to behave in the monogamous way that you do. Swingers take sex or intimacy very lightly because they have a very casual view of sex and physical contact. As far as being a swinger you are free to do anything you want but don't participate to make him happy. Do it because it is genuinely appealing to you. It's okay to experiment. But don't do anything just to please someone else.. If you want to try it make sure it is something you want to do. There is nothing wrong with taking chances. If you think this is something that is his idea rather than yours then let this relationship go and find someone more conducive to how you want to live. If you choose this relationship then you are going to have to be a swinger. He isn't going to compromise his lifestyle. I would consider this choice carefully. There is a host of sexually transmitted diseases now.


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