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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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i was talking to this guy for a couple months and we grew really

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i was talking to this guy for a couple months and we grew really close really fast. he was perfect; funny, respectful, smart, and my parents loved him. i had to leave the country for a couple 7 months and we talked about it. although we didnt put a title on it, he assured me i had nothing to worry about and that he would be here when i got back. i called everyday atleast 3 times a day and we emailed each other also. two months into my absence was the one year anniversary of his father's death. i tried to be there even more for him but there is only so much you can do long distance. about two weeks after he sends me an email that he had a week moment with one of his exes. and now she is pregnant. i tried to look passed it. i "forgave" him and he chose to go abroad with me a decision he made before his "incident". so we were working near each other out of the country. things were slowly coming back to normal. we traveled the world together and enjoyed every moment. i recently found out i was pregnant. he was excited. he has been there for me and now that im back in the states he has done all he could to make sure i was okay since he is still out of the country. last week he had to make a stop in Hawaii for a couple days. He has family there but he ex girlfriend/baby mama is also there. now of course i was uneasy but assured me he wants nothing to do with her and that he just wants to be with his brother and sister and his nieces. it gets more complicating his ex is also his brothers sister-in-law. i just dont know what to do. its emotional because i dont trust the man like i should. my mind is rambles with thoughts of him and her and i dont know how to handle it.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

It is understandable that you are struggling with trust. Anyone would in this situation. Once a partner cheats everything in that relationship changes. Things that would not have caused turmoil takes on a different meaning. You have the benefit of your partner's oath that he really does want this relationship. If he is serious than he should do whatever he can to make it right. When his travels have ended think about a couples counselor so the relationship can be built on a strong foundation. Do everything you can to have positive communication whether that is couples workshops or self help work - the best communication guide is Mars and Venus Together Forever which includes the rules of fair fighting.


When he returns you have to be brutally honest about your fears. Develop a plan that will mend this. Negotiate. Establish boundaries that he isn't to cross - whether that is that you only go to these outings together. You have to establish these as a couple. Come together like someone would in a business deal. This too is a partnership. If you are to succeed with this mistake then you have to come together like you never have.


With all of these remedies you will have a relationship based on communication. If he sincere he will do all of these things and do them willingly. Talk when you are feeling insecure and ask for reassurance.


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