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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I have managed to stay friends with my ex for well over two

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I have managed to stay friends with my ex for well over two years now and things have been just fine up till now. I have recently developed a want to get back together with her but while she still says she loves me and that I am her best friend, she says she isn't "in love" with me. Even as friends, she always says she'll call or want to hang out but then doesn't follow through.

She has basically told me that things will play out the way they should and she still wants me in her life. I know that if I close the door and walk away, I'll be left with an empty feeling inside. Not sure what the best way to handle this situation.
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Dear friend,

This is a very clear situation. Your ex is still bonded with you as a friend, but no longer wants a romantic relationship with you. You doesn't want to be your lover or to be attached in that way.

Think of her as you might think of a male best friend. You love your friend, enjoy his company, and like to hang out with him but will never have a romantic relationship with him. That is not part of the equation.

Don't walk away from this great friendship just because you can't have it your way. In fact, you stand a better chance of moving closer to her, and actually hanging or with her or having conversations with her if she didn't know (from your conversations) that you want more than she is prepared to deliver.

She may change her mind later, but that will not happen if you walk away, or if you make her too reluctant to spend time with you because you want to escalate the relationship.

She is not ready for that, and maybe never will be. The best chance that you have, is to accept what she wants, verbalize it, and act on it. If you cross the line you will push her away, and be disappointed.

You can either have a limited good friendship, or nothing. Which one will you choose? One offers a slight potential for growth. The other offers none.

It is your choice, and I think you may choose something over nothing. Either way there is some pain.

Accept her way, and see what happens. That is probably the best available choice.

Warm regards,

Elliolt Sewell, LPCC, NCC
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