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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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i have been married for five years and at first the sex was

Customer Question

i have been married for five years and at first the sex was awesome until she became pregnant with our first son. as soon as she became pregnant the sex stopped. 3 times during the pregnancy and after the baby was born 8 months til we had sex again and then it was my birthday and it was hurry we have 15 minutes. a year went by like this then all of a sudden the sex picks up to 2-3 times a week and bam! pregnant again. says she was on birth control during this time. during this pregnancy she wanted to have sex but i felt so decieved and resentful that i didnt want sex. this roller coaster of hot and cold goes on for another year and we start to get leveled out again and bam! pregnant again, but she miscarriages. not wanting anymore children i get a vasectomy and she wanted sex until the 8 week period of still being fertile was over and then nothing. now its back to tired,back ache,stomach ache, and she now mourns the loss of her baby and mother who died 2 yrs ago. she only gets these ways when we are alone and the chance of intimacy is there.i have caught her masterbating several times so i dont think she has lost her sex drive. i feel rejected and used and resentful, but i still love her with all my heart and want this to work. i try talking but its the same thing every time. it;s not you its me i'm just really "insert excuse here". what do i do?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

It is unfortunate that you tried marriage counseling and have feelings about that. We usually recommend this when there is poor communication about anything. This offers an impartial view on a problem. Maybe the problem is more communication than the sex. Sometimes relationships become less passionate for many reasons. You can examine this by finding a copy of Mars and Venus in the Bedroom. This will help you talk about sex with each of your own needs in mind. You can also find another professional.that you like better than the last. You can do this in your living room by logging on to etherapy sites that will help you discuss this together while using IM or web cam. Your wife may be able to verbalize her concerns about sex if you use these methods. If you find it is not her sex drive ask her why she masturbates but isn't interested.She knows the reason.


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