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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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8 Years ago I told my spouse I wanted to try and have a baby.

Customer Question

8 Years ago I told my spouse I wanted to try and have a baby. A few months
into it he said he couldnt do it(just perform on que). Since then he has only
went in me 5 times in 8 years. When he said he cant do it, I became emotionally
withdrawn and turned off from him. I do not know how to let what he said go.
We dont have children together,but he has one from previous marriage. It kills me
knowing how hard they tried to have that child and how he wont with me. He constantly tells me that when he married her it was out of pity and the fact he would receive
more money in the army. I did not meet him until about 2 years after he was out of the
Army. He lets me know know every day that he loves me. With what has happen it makes me feel less than. I finally told him why I have been "not" into it. He replied thats why it has been boring. I do not know how to fix this barrier I have put up.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.

The best way to resolve any barrier is to find a professional to help the two of you over the barrier. It doesn't mean your marriage is in trouble. You can talk about the source of the problem and how to resolve it. The other way is through positive communication. The more you talk about your fears the less power they have over you. If you are jealous or resentful then talk about that. But you have to be brutally honest to get past it. It may be uncomfortable saying I am jealous of the fact that you tried hard to have a child and you won't do that now. That makes me angry. If you interact in a way where he gets to address that then it will be less of a problem. But you have to accept that he is being genuine. It isn't going to change unless you are honest with each other and resolve this over time. As far as boring that can be addressed together too. Try things that are different, get a book on sexual positions, have date nights that lead to intimacy, make an effort to be romantic. The possibilities are endless.


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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Relist: Other.
Although the answer was ok, I just feel it did not help me much because it was common sense things.