How JustAnswer Works:
  • Ask an Expert
    Experts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional Answer
    Via email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction Guarantee
    Rate the answer you receive.
Ask Elliott, LPCC, NCC Your Own Question
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
Type Your Relationship Question Here...
Elliott, LPCC, NCC is online now
A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How do i deal with my partners manipulative ex partner

This answer was rated:

How do i deal with my partner's manipulative ex partner?
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Dear friend,

This is Elliott, taking your question. You have explained the situation very well. It is a very unfortunate situation, but it is that way because your partner permits it and facilitates it. When you intervene your partner takes exception with you. He has basically said that it is none of your business, and that it is up to him.

I am sure that there are a lot choice things that you would want to say to her, and probably all true. She thrives on causing other people to react against her. She wants to manipulate others into getting angry and resisting her. When you do so, then she has accomplished her mission. Then she will use that confrontation as a wedge between you are your partner, and between your partner and his child.

The best way to deal with her is to avoid her completely. I understand that you might resist the notion that you don't want to allow her to control your life. Avoiding her is NOT what she wants. She wants to stick her head in the window. She wants to get you angry.

When you don't show up you don't have to witness your partner grovelling and kow-towing to her, you don't have to restrain you anger towards her, and you are also giving a message to your partner that you are done with her.

You will actually strike a blow against her by not being there. Judging from what you say about her, your time would be better spent elsewhere.

Sometimes the best way to deal with someone is to ignore them. If your partner wants to know why, you can tell his the truth: that you cannot bear to witness the exchange that he always has with her, and that you can't bear to be around her. She is not your ex and you don't have to have any.

That's the way I deal with impossible people that I don't have to be around. If you do happen to wind up in the same space and time, then you can still ignore her and avoid the little landmines that she will place all around her for your benefit. Be the adult to her child. You can be mannerly but aloof in a friendly way. The bigger you are, the smaller she will appear, and the more she will look like the manipulative little brat that she is.

Best wishes to you,

Eliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC and other Relationship Specialists are ready to help you