Here is what I and we have tried:
1. Writing issues down, sharing and agreeing on resolution - that has not happened in awhile, his focus is on what he calls my abnormal sex drive (as I said - I have a hard time wanting intimacy after being verbally abused).
2. Working with therapists - any time the therapist approaches the abuse factor and how it contributes to lack of sympathy; he wants to stop.
3. Tried to be calm and state facts without emotions; see first questions on I had on outcome.
4. He is 58; former alcoholic but still loves pain killers and gets his hands on them easily. His father and mother were alcoholics.
5. His daughter was diagnosed with bipolar and propensity to anger (per several assessments through the courts). She also has ADD
6. From what I have heard through his brother in law and neices/nephews is that not only he but his siblings exhibit these nasty tempers, sudden changes in mood, silence treatments.
7. He is 16 years younger than his next in line sibling.
8. He was court ordered to go to anger management.
9. When he was in highschool he got kicked out; then it took him more than the normal 4 years to finish the degree - he has worked for the federal government all his career (I have worked in private industry).
Hope above helps with the background. I have always been told by therapists that I am not being unreasonable. I never had an alcohol or drug issue.