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Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi, Licensed Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 4627
Experience:  Certified Hypnotherapist, Author, 13+years of experience.
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my boyfriend and i have recently got engaged. weve been together

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my boyfriend and i have recently got engaged. we've been together 3 years and for the last 2 years we've lived in different cities quite far from each other but always hoped 'the next year' we could live nearer/together. he has now been settled in a university for 1 year and has 2 to go. i have just moved to a different county to start a career in the police as they were the only force recruiting. as i work shifts and he has random lectures we wont often get to see each other. we are both quite young, 20 years old and are both worried the distance will start to take a strain on the relationship. the wedding is supposed to be at the end of 2013. should we move things forward to be together sooner, or struggle on through for another couple of years trying to balance it?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dr Rossi replied 6 years ago.



"should we move things forward to be together sooner, or struggle on through for another couple of years trying to balance it? "


You've already to an extent have experience in balancing the relationship with professional/educational endeavors. This is another stage of your life together. At one point sooner or later, one of you would have to make a compromise on behalf of the other. That is a testing time for any relationship (even marriages) At this time, both of you are pursuing other things and yes, the distance can take a toll on the relationship. But, to what extent and to what outcome would depend on both of you. It is also something that can not be predicted yet until you've tried it.


As far as getting married sooner than later, you'd arrive at that decision based on your faith in each other. If you believe that it is just a formality and no matter what comes your way both will work together to manage it, then you can do as you've planned. Keep in mind that even if you're married unexpected things will still happen in your life (the same way as when you're not married) The two of you will have to discuss what this would mean for the preparation and other individuals who may have been involved in helping with the wedding plans. If you trust each other and waiting is something you're both willing to do, then you can post pone it. It largely depends on what being married means to both of you (an official commitment, proof of your love, trust, security, etc) It is this that you've got to figure out and act accordingly. Asking yourself what would marriage actually mean in the larger scheme of things.


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