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Ask Rev.Dr. August Abbott Your Own Question
Rev.Dr. August Abbott
Rev.Dr. August Abbott, Clergy
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7608
Experience:  Ordained minister: Counselor (spiritual/life)
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Ive been talking to a girl online for about 3 months. We went

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I've been talking to a girl online for about 3 months. We went out twice and we both feel that we should take it slow. I feel a real big connection with her and I think she feels the same, but she still views her dating profile online. I want to start an exclusive relationship, but I'm afraid I'll just push to much. I've been divorced for 2 and a half years and haven't really had any kind of relationship since. My marriage lasted for 13 and a half years.
- Have you discussed exclusivity at all? Even taking it slow, being exclusive is a reasonable option.

Is she dating others or feel the need to?

What is her relationship history? How long since her last 'serious' one?
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Not really. I have told her that I think about her a lot, but felt even then that I was pushy. I'm not sure if she is dating someone else or feels the need to. She kind of hinted at being exclusive with something that was said at our last date. All I know about her relationship[ history is that she was with someone from the military that got her pregnant and now she is single.
-- You do need to start this dialogue with her. It wouldn't be unheard of for her to be keeping her profile 'open' and letting you know about it, solely hoping that you'll ask her to at least put it "on hold".

-- It's still early, but there's absolutely nothing wrong with expecting to be exclusive after 3 months.

And you need to start asking more about her history. Not like the 3rd degree or inquisition, but just to find out where her heart's been in order to have a better idea of where its going.

Just get her started by asking a good question (ie: "Did you enjoy being in a military town? Was there anything good about it?). Then listen.

Customer: replied 5 years ago.
The other thing I would like to know is if I'm being to cautious or am I just trying to hard to make something work.
-- It sounds like you have sincere feelings. Don't over-think this. Don't jeopardize it or sabotage it by complicating it.

You enjoy her company right? Then keep enjoying it. You want to be exclusive and you believe she does too, so bring it up during a lighthearted moment and plainly say that you enjoy this, "whatever it is" so much that you would be sad if someone else came between you, so would she do you the honor of "pausing" her dating profile?

Keep living in the moment. Don't get too far ahead of yourself, enjoy the magic of a new relationship for as long as you can stretch it out.

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