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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Hi me and my boyfriend have been together almost 4 years now.

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Hi me and my boyfriend have been together almost 4 years now. We got together when I was 16 and he was 19. We have always had a good strong relationship up until the last few months. Following me going on holiday with my girl friends for a week, he has since acted more paranoid, controlling and uptight. He has expressed that he doesnt like how much i go out, which is normally probably only once a week, twice most. However he goes off fishing and riding his motorbike when he pleases. I wish we could spend more time togther going out and doing fun stuff as a couple, but when i suggest this he either says he doesnt want to eat/ drink out as he needs to be healthy or that he cant afford it. And i explain if he would go out with me i wouldnt go out with freinds as much but he still wont listen. Even though he works full time and i am a student and i pay for the most of his stuff, ie. gym membership. I also do everything for him, make tea every night, take him out, buy presents, and feel i get nothing in return. and when i said to him i wish you could do something for me in return he said i use the things i do for him as weapons in arguments and he no longer wants anything from me. Even though i dont mind doing things for him i would just like something in return. I am also more of a sociable person than him, spending much time with family and friends and he often wont join me and i wish he would. I dont know how i feel anymore, mixed emotions and feel sick inside. I have tried explaining how i feel but just got shouted at, told i was stupid and need a hobbie, and that i was dramatic. i am beginning to think maybe we got together too young and now our time is up. but i am petrified of hurting him cos he does mean a lot to me. but i think maybe i need time on my own and with friends to do what i want without answering to anyone. or maybe im being stupid? help please!
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.

You aren't being stupid. You are recognizing that you aren't happy. It sounds like you are just two different people who want different things. It doesn't mean that you are being hateful. You just have begun to develop different personalities and this has led to unhappiness on both sides. If you continue to try to involve him and you spend less and less time together you could become more resentful. You got together young and you missed out on a lot. You could be feeling that now. You don't have to be with someone because you started young and you should never be with someone out of obligation. Decide what you want and execute it. If you don't want this anymore then end it. If you are not compatible then end it. It's not stupid to want to be happy.


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