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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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So, this has been going on for quite a while. To sum it up,

Resolved Question:

So, this has been going on for quite a while.
To sum it up, I wasn't happy with my ex boyfriend and didn't feel like he cared or gave me enough so I went and had sex with someone else. He was very hurt, and wanted me back for months but I kept pushing him away.
This happened in early January
In May, I tried getting him back and he told me he didn't want a girlfriend and couldn't do it.
At the same time, he was having sex and sleeping over at some nasty girl's house and basically just used her for a "buddy"

he didn't admit it to me until i heard it from his friend but when i confronted him, he said it was a mistake and she meant nothing.

i was angry because he had told me i was thelast person he had sex with and we had sex recently, and i would have liked to know if there was someone else.. i would have been more cautious

anyway, he's been sending me mixed signals, saying he can't do it right now, doesn't want a girlfriend but misses me and can see us in the future but needs time to heal from what happened.

i see how he flirts with his ex girlfriend and he has a lot of girl friends. yesterday i just got so angry and fed up and texted him that i am done and not waiting around anymore. i told him i cared for him but he treats me like shit now and it isn't worth it. then i changed my number and havent talked to him.

before that happened, there was a chance he might come back when he's ready, but now, that i changed my number and basically told him i was walking away how do you think he is taking it? do youthink he cares or is basically going to let me go?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

I think he cares little about women in general. He uses them for his purposes. If you wait in line he is going to use you too. When a guy has no value for women and treats them badly he doesn't care about anyone but himself. He has a means to an end and that is why he is so hurtful. I don't think he needs to come back at any time. He has proven how he treats you and he will treat you exactly the same. And he will learn that it is okay. Move on and find a great guy who appreciates you. You have to remember that people treat you as you allow them too. He isn't ready by his behavior to change. I think you gave him a wake up call that says you can't treat me like this. Stick to it if you don't want your heart broken.


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Customer: replied 5 years ago.
But if he says he cares and wants to be with me someday do u think by me changing my number and telling him I won't wait, will that make him want to chase me or just. Give up. I know I hurt him but if u really love someone u don't push them away and do this to them.
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
It will make him do what he wants to do. There is no guarantee of a chase. In fact with his dating habits he probably would just move on. I wouldn't believe the I'll be there someday speech. Only because what is wrong with right now. You are right. If he loved you he would work through it. This plan of his should tell you everything you need to know
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Then he never really loved to begin with did he? Even though I broke his heart.. love never really goes away.
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
I am sorry for your experience. We have all been there. I think he cares about himself more. I would find someone as caring as you. He may find himself very lonely one day. He may have loved you in his own way. Don't worry - he will bounce back. Focus on you
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I'm going to focus on me but I just want to know if you think he will end up coming back.. he told me he can see himself falling back in love with me with time but this was before I told him I was done because he treats me like crap and changed my number. And you're right.. he does care about himself a lot more.. he's always been selfish even tho he claims he puts others first
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I don't understand why he needs to be single right now. I know I hurt him and it trakes a while to bounce back from that and he admits he gets lonely and misses me but tells himself he needs to stay single. I don't know if its an excuse or not. All I know is he doesn't want me right now and doesn't seem to care what happens.
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
I think he will come back when he realized he had it good. I wouldn't accept it however. He will be selfish when he returns. He needs to be single for that reason. He comes first. He doesn't want this and he doesn't care - but when he does turn him right around and send him home
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Do you think it bothers him that I changed my number and basically told him I wasn't going to take his crap and was never happy? I know other girls won't compare to what we had
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
I think it bothers him only that you said I can do better. He probably has not faced that situation. I am just concerned that it bruised his ego more than his common sense
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
He's a lot cockier now that I hurt him. He doesn't even associate with girls who are half as great as I am. And I know he knows its true. He has a lot of pride and I know he wants me back he just is being a stubborn idiot. How do u think he will chase me if he doesn't know my number?
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
Your probably are right. Stubbornness can lead to very poor decisions. If he wants to find you he will and he won't stop at your phone number.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
Why do you think he will come back?
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
I think he will realize that you were a good person who was kind to him.
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
I'm sad because I feel like I regret changing my number and basically saying screw you to him but I felt it was the best thing to do since he treats me like I'm nothing basically.
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
You changed your number because he treats you like dirt. There is nothing to regret. You may feel bad but eventually you will think back and realize you did the right thing. He had that coming
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
He wasn't exactly mean to me but he acted like I was nothing.. I had a pregnancy scare and he told me I had to abort it and to think of our futures.. it was just selfish.. then we had sex since we broke up and he promised I was the last girl he did it with and we had unprotected sex and I found out he lied and never told me about another girl he used as a rebound since we split.. he said they used condoms but I still felt disrespected.. I never felt like he cared even when we were together.. maybe this is for the best.
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.
Acting like you are nothing is mean. He continues to show you that he is inconsiderate, selfish and a liar. That is mean too. You felt disrespected because he is disrespectful. It is for the best. You don't treat someone you care about like that. You deserve better
Customer: replied 5 years ago.
You're right.. he has a lot of growing up to do.
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

Let him grow up on his time not yours.



Turning in for the night. Please think about all I have said

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