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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I dated a guy for a couple of months. It ended because he was

Customer Question

I dated a guy for a couple of months. It ended because he was recently divorced.
And wasn't really for a serious relationship barely being divorced.
It became an email relationship. Friends, in a way. But I told him I thought we just shouldn't have any contact for 6 months. During those 6 months, every few weeks he'll still send an email, saying hi. Should I continue to email back? And just say hi and then not hear back again for a few weeks. Or just ignore him and not write back? I don't see it ever changing...
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.

Whether you should email depends on your intention. If at some point you would like to start dating again or you want the friendship then go ahead and continue this relationship. There is nothing wrong with emailing and you seemed to make a very insightful choice concerning his situation. If you think that things won't change or there is no benefit to doing this then I would let it go. The difference is really dependent on your intention. Don't feel obligated to reply back. If you think nothing will change, then don't bother. Your time is valuable and you shouldn't pursue a relationship that is going nowhere. I would send him a nice email saying that you want to move on and he should too. If the relationship was going somewhere it probably would have already. May be an example of okay guy, wrong timing.



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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I guess my intention is that I wish we could date again.

So him emailing and asking how is work. And then me answering
and asking him how work is and then him saying we should grab a coffee soon...
And I'll say sure... And then I don't hear from him again for a month.
I guess that makes me feel bad. I guess the non-chalant-ness of being "email
friends" once in a while makes me sad.

It was only two months but I really liked him. And I'm sad that he is ok with just being friends.

Part of me feels like, we did need to get to know each other better, so maybe emailing once in
a while is a good thing...So we still have contact.

Because I don't think out of the blue one day, he is just all of the sudden going to decide he wants to date me and all of the sudden call and say, lets date.

Thats what makes me think having some contact might be ok..even though it kinda makes me sad.

Its a tough one. But I'm leaning to continuing to completely ignoring him.

He is really handsome and charismatic and interesting. And I have heard through the grapevine
he is and has been dating lots of girls, and they all want to be his girlfriend. But that he breaks things off
when the girls wants to be one on one with him. He is honest about his situation, (which make me like him more, actually.)

I don't want to be another groupie. Any thoughts?
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
I think you are right all the way around. He has learned that women want him because he is handsome and is used to taking. It is okay to be friends by email but you really are holding out to date each other then that is a way to get your feelings hurt. If he wanted to date he would ask. He I feel is setting up a situation of possible friends with benefits. Don't be his groupie as you said. If that is the case then there is no reason for the emails. Just move on and find a more honest relationship. You don't need to be a spectator to this game of email tag. Spend your time on a relationship not based on email
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I think you are right on, when you said if he wanted to date me he would ask.

When we first met, he wanted to meet for coffee everyday. Was always wanting to see
me, calling and texting me all the time.But now, it is this way, an email every few weeks.

If he wants to see me or anything, he will do more than send an email that says:how's work.

By replying, I just make myself sad. I guess I need to let it go. And be sad, and get over it.
I keep getting the urge to fix it. But there is nothing to fix. He is gone. I just have to let it go.
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
I totally agree with everything you said. Let it go and find someone who really appreciates you and doesn't put himself first.