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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Good day,i hope you can help me,i am canadian man 51 who has

Resolved Question:

Good day,i hope you can help me,i am canadian man 51 who has lived in africa since 1993,my fiancee whom i met 8 years ago and then we spent 6 years long distance not seeing each other,about 14 months ago we started seeing each other again,in uganda where i worked,i left my job to work for friend in her country kenya,the job lasted only 2 months,i cannot get job in kenya and am tired of africa and must teturn home and find work,we were to spend couple years in kenya,get married and start process to sponsor her and her son to canada,with no job,should i still get married knowing am returning home alone and the sponsorsgip process may take 2-2.5 years and no guarantee after time and money it will be approved. Please help am desparate,logically i believe we should go our separate ways but we love each other it makes it hard,plus am not even sure if i can support her and her son as well as myself in canada.
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 5 years ago.

I think you have a lot of decisions to make. You have already spent a huge amount of time separate. That is usually not good for a relationship. It seems that this relationship is not destined to last. You have to think of all the stressors that you are facing and have faced regarding this relationship. You have to realize that stressors harm relationships. You can bring her here but you have no money to support her. That is not a plan that will be conducive to a positive relationship. You have to decide if this relationship can withstand that kind of stress. If you think it can that is great but I am hear to tell you that most relationships can't. You have to make that decision and not based on your heart. You are bringing several individuals here with no plan for survival. Look at this from a distance and say is this really the best idea. Then you have a very uncertain future. You are exposing her to that as well. 2.5 years is a long time and with no real guarantees.


I think you should do what you think is best but it doesn't seem promising. You have to focus on you for awhile. Maybe when you get yourself together you can look for a partner here. This just doesn't seem like the right time or the right person. Of course if you say I can do this and we can move past it then do so but make your decision based on all the facts.


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