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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Long story short, my wife and I have been married for 1 year

Customer Question

Long story short, my wife and I have been married for 1 year and we are considering getting a divorce. We started dating when we were 14 and 13 and were very serious at a young age, basically living together due to some things that happened. Although we love each other very much right now, we both feel that we missed out on a lot of life by being in such a serious relationship for so long at such a young age. Neither of us really have experienced what it is like to date as an adult. I slept with a few other girls and my wife has never been with anyone but me. I have never had another serious girlfriend besides my wife, while she dated someone seriously for about a year. BotXXXXX XXXXXne is we both feel we have a lot to experience. We are still young (i am 26 and she is 25) and have talked about getting a divorce and seeing what it is like to date and see other people. This way, if we ever decided to get back together, we can feel as though we didn't miss out on anything and we will truly be ready for marriage. However, we are scarred if we stay together these feelings we have now will get stronger and we will always be wondering. For one, is anyone ever successful at divorcing and remarrying the same person? Secondly, is this a crazy idea considering we still love each other?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.

Yes there are people who have divorced and remarried. Usually whatever is wrong the first time is wrong the second time. However in your case this is just a case of being too young. I would however consider before you divorce that the grass is not always greener on the other side. You are leaving a fairly good relationship to test the waters? She may not be there when you want to remarry. What if you regret leaving this relationship. The chances that you will both not finding a relationship at your age are very questionable. I understand your point though. Why not separate instead of divorce. Then when it doesn't work out you still have your relationship somewhat in tact. It's up to you but a 6 months separation with ground rules may be more appropriate.


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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thank you for your response. We have already tried separation but it is really not a viable option in what we are looking for. We want to experience other people, and the first way to make someone run is them finding out you are married. I want to know whar it is really like to be with someone other than my wife. We have actually tried this, but while staying married the guilt is too overwhelming. A divorce really seems like the only solution, but it is also a huge risk. We realize we may not end up back together, but both of us feel it will work out the way its supposed to. We, however, are both very scared as well. We tried counseling and everything but it did not help. We are just two young people who feel we have missed out on a lot, but love each other very much. Are we crazy for feeling this way?
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
You have to look forward to possible passion, the newness of a relationship, and the excitement of finding out about someone. You can also look forward to lack of compatibility, the chaos and drama, the tolerance for a bunch of dates that go nowhere, and the disappointment when someone are not what they present themselves to be. Divorce is an option but you really need to be sure it's what you want. If that is meant to be that is okay. It's okay to feel you missed out but with love and patience you could try new things together. Just make sure it is what you want