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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Hey I have a difficult problem I have been having for the

Customer Question

Hey I have a difficult problem I have been having for the past 6 years or so. I am 23 years old. When I was 15 I met this girl named Michelle at a local picnic. She fell for me instantly. Throughout highschool I used her. We never had sex but I would call her when I wanted to make out or whatever, stupid high school stuff. As the years went on right before I graduated high school (she is a year younger then me) I fell in love with her all of a sudden. Of course I spent the whole summer trying to get her back, because at this point she was fed up of 3 years of crying and mental abuse I put her through. Finally we got back together the last month before I went to the summer and then she eventually left me the first week I was away at college becasue she thought I would leave her. She dated a guy for about 1 and a half years which killed me.Again I do not blame her but I was extremely heartbroken. Fast forward to my junior year in college she breaks up with him and we spend weeks talking on the phone and she came to visit me evey weekend. My junior year went by fast and I was in love all over again. But the summer going into my senior year she started to not call me back and so on. We have had a very relaxed relationship. Id let her to what she wanted and never was a restrictive type. She eventually started to date this other guy who she has been with now for over 2 years. He has money and they spend vacation in Florida and buys her whatever she wants. He restricts her, wont let her hang out with any guy even friends and so on. These past 2 years I lied to myself saying I am over her but I am not. He has her so restricted she wont even answer my texts anymore. My question is..what do I do. I cannot get over her she wasa huge part of my life. She has moved on from what I can see but I think her boyfriend being so restricting has a lot to do with her not texting me back. He is controlling and I never was. Is that why she is with hinm for so long still? Do you think I should tell her my true feelings or do you think I should just stop texting her and delete her from facebook. I text her maybe once ever 2 weeks.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
Stop thinking about it from what he wants but rather what she wants. She may truly care about him. You don't know if it's about money. If he is controlling she is putting up with it. If she wanted to text she probably would. You don't know their relationship. If he that controlling then she is still tolerating it. I would delete her and let her decide what she wants. If she wants to pick up the friendship then she will. By the way being friends when you really want more never works. He is going to get mad at her because you are an ex and you could hurt her again. Move on and find someone who isn't attached and who the boundaries are clear
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I understand really I do. I have not talked to her or seen her for a year but when I do just for a second it hits me all over again..I have dated other girls and they did take my mind off of her but once I am single and I happen to see her its like a ton of bricks..Maybe I just gotta deal with it better.
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
That is how breakups are. Sometimes they still sting even years or months later. This happens to a lot of people. We sometimes still feel that old wounds are still there and have problems resolving them after even a long period of time. It takes work sometimes to get past a person. Sometimes that is taking a chance on someone new. A long relationship is sometimes evidence that you don't need her. Keep your distance and work on yourself. This will help you move past her without or with a girl.