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Oh theres not really much to tell. It seems that a combination of her working on PhD and sort of being weird and distant, It seemed unlikely I was going to see her face to face to explain - so jsut to clean things up and draw a line in the sand I emailed (yuck) her and told her how i felt etc. when it normally now takes her a week to reply (if ever) i got a reply in 20 minutes with a polite and british "youre very nice, but..."
of course there was a lot of 'I think you are a smart, funny, insightful, creative, talented, interesting, quirky,well-read and fascinating to talk with person" etc, but the problem is that you can never tell if this is just polite BS or not, and the more of that sort of compliment there is, the more you feel like a loser and a deluded idiot.
i know its not me etc, im quite mad at her for being such a coward and so lacking in empathy actually (and this is someone who's going to be a psycologist!! god help them!!)but actually, thinking
about it, more people have politely (or otherwise) told me to take a hike in new york in 9 months than did in london in 9 years - somethings going wrong, and im not sure what it is (perhaps im a bit too difficult to connect with or understand or something...not sure)
americans are the loveliest and friendliest and easiest going people on earth - if i offend them what hope do i have!!?? so now i have my very lovely work wife to share things with...and nobody else. sheesh.
anyhow....there we go. that seems to be it. :-)
yeah its weird - its not like i pushed the issue or made any advances - it was always her doing so. i deliberately made sure that was the case - im actually notthat bothered, its a good to get it out of the way, but its ridiculous to have someone waste your time - i hav eso little of it left and unfortunately i cant make any more
you know, actually, there was a perfectly made woman for me - and she was the greatest person in the world (and no, im not jsut saying that - she actually was). i had such a brief time with her and then she died - which was absolutely awful. but unlike most people i was luck enough to have this greatest person in the world be in love with me, even if for such a brief time. most people didnt get that chance. it was both wonderful and horrible, but more wonderful i guess.
unfortunately, now it seems i have a life of insecure lunatics ahead of me, which is just plain frustrating, but im actually nt bothered if im alone the rest of my life. i had my time with the best, it would be greedy to ask for more :-)
have a cool night.