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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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My daughter is 23 and about to move to another island, after

Customer Question

My daughter is 23 and about to move to another island, after finishing college, and working as a teacher for a year. She,s a sweetheart, talkative intelligent, and beautiful, but she can,t control her weight. My wife and daughter told me not to say aword about it as it's none of my business. She's never had a boyfriend, and she knows why. What needs to happen for her to find the energy to work on this? My wife ran for an hour a day for a decade to stay in shape. Steve
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.

It sounds like what your wife is saying is that this is a personal decision. If she is not a minor that is correct but I know what you are saying. You want the best for her. She is not having the lifestyle that supports being healthy. The problem is that your daughter has to want this more than anyone. She has to not accept being overweight. This is a personal decision. She may feel hopeless about her weight and this could cause her to not do anything. Sometimes people do nothing because they feel it is hopeless and it looks like they don't care. I would compromise and find one resource for her. Give it to her and then back off. Anything more than that will be a problem. If she wants to lose weight she will take the resource and act on it. She may just not be tired of this at this time. You can't push so you have to do this gradually. Tell her you care about her and you want her to be healthy. Beyond that you have to let her decide.


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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thanks for the info. I don't think she will change gradually. In my life, decisions were made in a moment of motivation, something just clicked, made sense, and a plan of action made and followed. Now, before she moves to another island to look for her career job and a new group of friends, seems a perfect time for change.
, I,m looking for an approach that gives motivation not passive submission. I,m watching her get too comfortable with her weight, even though she,s aware of it's affect on her love life. We've offered a personal trainer, has a gym membership, zoomba membership, but rarely goes. This is a problem for so many people, I would think successful methods of motivation have been well researched and accepted by now. How do you motivate your clients?
Her motivated father Steve
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
There has to be some end goal that you can reach but know needs hard work. Whether that is socializing more, finding a relationship, feeling good about yourself. If you can't identify that motivator then the hard works will just seem too hard. She has to know what that is so everyone else will know. I try to get them to see the end result. Make it something that is achievable. It's not the struggle that is scary it's not caring, not feeling capable, not feeling worthy even. She has to want to have a plan. Maybe on that island she wants a life of beaches and a great guy, success, feeling good. Get that and you find the answer
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
This is a classic responce from my experience with psychyatrists, Lots of colorful words that say do nothing and it will fix itself. If I was an alcoholic and wanted to quit, would you say, I've made a personal decision to be an alcoholic, and need to wait until I feel the need to change, then give me the #for AA? I already told you she wants to lose weight but needs the motivation to be successful. If I were my daughter and I came to you to help me lose weight, what would you say to her? Steve