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Doctor Kevin
Doctor Kevin, Ph.D.
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1482
Experience:  24 years in a private practice
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Hi ) I am just curious how important is intimacy in a relathionship.

Customer Question

Hi :)

I am just curious how important is intimacy in a relathionship. It sounds weird, but the situation is... I am married 19 years, and two years ago I stopped sleeping with my husband. I was thinking of divorse for two years, but cannot get enough courage because of future financial difficulties. I actually hated him for those years, couldnt stay in the same room or eat at the same table.. Now things are more or less back to normal, except the intimacy part. I am trying to talk myself to have sex with him and I can't... I am telling myself that there is nothing bad about that, not big deal, it is just five minutes, I can do that. I was even thinking to get drunk hoping it would help me overcome the resistance. But it is disgusting. When I am thinking him kissing me... yuck.
I am trying to convince myself that sex is not important part of relathionship, ( I know he needs it, but he is not hmm good at it at all :) so if i can handle once a month is good enough. When we had been together I was not satisfied one single time, and his kisses were almost as disgusting as now. I was extremely unhappy as a woman.

Please tell me how important for healthy relathionship being happy emothionally and satisfied sexually. Enjoy the partners touch, and being with a person near whom you are happy to wake up..
Am I being a silly romantic girl thinking it is so important or it is true?
Submitted: 5 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Doctor Kevin replied 5 years ago.

Kevin Kappler :

You are not alone. There are many couples who stay together for financial reasons and there is no intimacy in the relationship. We all must give up something in a relationship and you will feel less self loathing if you are true to your feelings of not wanting to have sex or be intimate. It is more like a brother sister arrangement.

Kevin Kappler :

You just must remain true to your feelings and not violate yourself.

Customer : Hmm you should read carefully. I don't expect it or want it. I don't want to have it with this guy so much that I feel sick. And to stay in this relathionship I have to do it becuase he requires it. And I don't loath myself , . The question was how important it Id for healthy relathionship.Natalia
Kevin Kappler :

You have to decide if when you were single things were more sexually satisfying and I would wager to say they were about the same. At least you have a place to live and some posessions.

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