Recently, I've decided to move out. This is a big deal for me, as I am a very family-oriented person, and I don't often stick to decisions that have to do with going against my parents wishes and/or going out on my own. This time is different, though. I saw a counselor to find out why I'm so resistant to moving away from my family and to decide what I really want to do (move out anyway). I've worked through a lot of emotional barriers. I've done the budget planning as best as I could, set a savings goal, and made a resolution to move out in a year if I can afford it by then.
Unfortunately, while discussing this with my boyfriend today, he revealed that he felt let down and disappointed by me. I couldn't answer his questions specifically enough when he asked me what I would do if my very unsteady job couldn't provide me with enough work to save up the total amount I needed, or if it would be possible to save up what I needed (he needed me to be more sure than I was). This is all very new to me, and I've only just decided recently to do this. I feel like I've made quite a lot of progress for the kind of person I am (compulsive spender, easily guilt-tripped by family, etc.) and I am proud of how far I've come.
He says he is also proud of my progress, but at the same time, it is not enough for him and his expectations. Since me moving out means we will get to see each other more often, he feels disappointed that I haven't made a backup plan and a backup plan for my backup plan yet. He is upset that I haven't done all the calculations yet to make this as close to 100% possible as I can. After telling him how much this hurts me to hear, he tells me that I should just let it be and let time change his mind, because he will feel like this for a while. I don't know how to handle that. It hurts me a lot, I mean, to the point where I've cried all night about it. I feel like I'm not good enough, like I'll never be good enough. I feel like he isn't really proud of me and that he will always feel let down. He doesn't seem to understand why it hurts me so much that he has high expectations of me. He says it is a sign that he loves me and is vested in me and doesn't understand why I want him to put those expectations aside, no matter how hard I try to explain it!
How do I learn to deal with his expectations? Or am I right? Is he in the wrong to judge me like that when I am a different person than he is? Help, please, I'm so distraught... Thank you.