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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I cheated on my ex boyfriend 6 months ago, and broke up with

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I cheated on my ex boyfriend 6 months ago, and broke up with him. he cried and begged for me back and I just kept talking down on him and really hurt him.. i recently tried getting him back because i realized what i did was wrong and i truly do miss him but he's reluctant, says he wants to enjoy being single, doesn't want a girlfriend. he said he lost a lot of feelings and no longer loves me but he cares about me and wants me to be happy, but he also says he can see us together int he future he just doesnt know when because it will take him a while to forgive me and get over everything that happened... i need advice on how to handle the situation. i told him i'd give him time and he basically established that "we're done" for the time being. i want to know if it seems like he will be back eventually.. or if theres no hope and also how i should act inthe meantime. i am going to college an hour and a half away in 2 months... he doesn't want to start anything by then and doesnt know if he will ever be able to be with me. i think he's confused which is why he said he doesnt love me anymore. i know he still has something for me otherwise he wouldnt have met me to talk, and we also had sex 2 weeks ago even though i initiated it and kinda pressured him to... but i dont think hed do that if he was totally out of love..

I agree that I don't think he would have sex if he didn't have some feelings. There has to be some old feelings there. However if he has moved on then this sex was just an afterthought. You need to keep in the back of your mind that he still has feelings but that you have damaged the relationship and he may not be able to accept the cheating. You can't put your life on hold for him. You can return to college and try to start to move past this incident. You have a wonderful time in your life and you should behave as if single. That way you aren't waiting for him. If it happens great if it doesn't fine. you have to accept that he may not take you back. Either way you have to be okay.


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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
does it appear that he could eventually come back?
He could. Otherwise you shouldn't be interacting as ex's. contact after a break up suggests that this could be possible
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
the last time we talked i told him that i wouldn't come to him and that i left on august 20th for school, and if he wants to initiate anything or see me before i leave to come to me.. that was two days ago. so now we have basically stopped contact until he contacts me which makes me feel like he's moved on and will find someone else even though he doesn't want a girlfriend at this time.
There is a chance he will move on though not likely. He has told you he doesn't want a girlfriend and it has been a short time. Don't project your fears onto him.. Concentrate on you and the things you need to do. That will be a distraction if you let it take over
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
the last thing he said to me was that he wanted me to know that he really did love me a lot and he's just still hurt and doesn't know if he can go back. if he was completely over me, wouldn't he just block me out of his life and wouldn't agree to meet me? he told me he cant see us happening at all before i leave, so i dont know where that leaves me.. and i don't know if he will change his mind..

Yes he would. He seems to be asking for just a break. He could change his mind. Especially since he seems to be unsure. You are going to have to have a lot of patience because I think he is going to take awhile to sort this out.



Be back later

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
do you think he does still have strong feelings and does still love me deep down?

If you had a long term relationship it is likely that he has feelings deep down and has strong feelings. The question is what he wants to do about that


Be back later

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
he told me just because you love someone doesn't necessarily mean that you should be together. he said there are a lot of people who love eachother but aren't in a relationship.. i feel like he sends me mixed signals, and i just don't know what to do or how to get over it.
That is true. But he is saying "when you love someone". I think he is sending mixed signals too or you wouldn't be this confused. Before you get over it you need closure. Some starting point where you can say that is it I have had it
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
i basically told him that.. i said ok so you're going to let me just walk away from your life? and he said i dont want u gone forever. so i dont know. he said i dont know when in the future id be able to be with u again.. he doesnt tell me anything.
Be careful. You are not his toy that waits around and holds her hopes on feelings that he might be ready one day. Don't wait for him to come around. Move on and don't be there when he realizes he needs someone waiting for him
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
you're right.. and i think i only want him because i feel rejected.. for months he wanted me and i didnt' care at all if we even talked. he was nothing to me.. now i suddenly care??? how can i even explain that. i have no idea.
Yes go for someone who is really deserving of you. Not someone who is in and out of your life
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
thank you! if he wants me in his life then he will find a way to put me in it, right?
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
do you think that he has a lot of pride now? i know he has attention from other girls, and even though he may not want anything with any of them.. maybe he likes the attention?
I think he likes the attention. That is true of many people. It is good to like attention but you can't take it past that by letting it harm real relationship
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
so do you think i should jsut let go and pretend hes never going to come back? or go on with hopes that maybe he will considering the situation. in all honesty, does it even look like hed come back?
I would not give up hope but I would focus on other things so you aren't miserable. Don't live your life around him coming back. It will be less painful. If you think he isn't then I would function under that assumption. He said he didn't love you so that could be the truth. It could also have been said out of pain. So we don't really know
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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
yeah you're right.. guess i cant dwell on it and should focus on other things.. thank you for your help