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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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I have a very thick protective wall when it comes to trusting

Resolved Question:

I have a very thick protective wall when it comes to trusting people. Once someone breaks my trust I pretty much easily write them off. I know very well that people are not perfect as I am not but I still find it easy to just discontinue having a person in my life who has broken my trust. I don't tend to have any strong feelings of sadness that the person is no longer in my life. Its like I'm numb. My concern is that I easily write people off and might lose someone who just made a mistake and really sincerely XXXXX XXXXX me.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 6 years ago.
This is your way of protecting yourself from getting hurt again. This is how you deal with someone breaking your trust. But you feel like if someone makes a mistakes can it be forgiven, overlooked for a second chance. The one you would forgive and give a second chance would be someone you really care about and want them to be a part of your life. People makes mistakes, they are not perfect. But there will be certain things people do by acting on their emotions. Things that natural happen because their emotions overwhelmed them. Often times when you care about someone you react different. You have protective walls up and that's ok. You will find certain people in your life that you will never want to replace and when they make a mistake you will not be able to let them go. You also do not share your concern with your friends, you are constantly protecting yourself. If you open up a little and realize you will find that person that will never want to break that trust but you also have to give people that chance to show you. If they mess up, then you can make that decision if you want them in your life. But try and let them in, you might discover great relationships where you can build trust. If you have anymore question I am here to answer.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

Its nice to hear that its ok that I have protective walls. There's a fairly large amount of people that I know that I have seen forgive, or give second chances to people who have done them wrong, makes me feel like I'm in a world of my own. I think about why I'm so much more protective of my heart? My father did betray my trust as a child when he left my mom, brothers and I for a woman who was close to the family. My brothers don't seem to have such strong protective walls as I do though. Wondering why we differ.

Expert:  Dear Debra replied 6 years ago.
It's ok to protect yourself from getting hurt. It is just how you deal with things. I feel that the question you asked about your brothers feel different, they do not have such protective walls. They react differently to things, everyone is different in how they handle things even going throught the same situation. It can effect people differently. Your personality is one of the reasons why you handle things the way you do. You have reasons why you are protective of your heart because as a child one person that you trusted and was close with left your mom, so it has made you who you are today and how you handle things. But that is ok, this is the person you are and it is ok to be cautious when it comes to opening up to people. In your life people would have to show you they can be trusted, but I also want you to try to open up and trust people that you feel will always be a part of your life. What happened when you were a child is something that has effected you, but you need to really look at that situation break it down and resolve how you feel. You are a person that protects themselves so much that if you see someone that might hurt you, you disattch yourself. But I feel when you find someone that you truly love and care about you will stick it out with them, open up and even if you feel you might get hurt it will be worth the risk.
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