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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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How long should I wait for my boyfriend to commit to our relationship

Resolved Question:

How long should I wait for my boyfriend to commit to our relationship? We have been madly in love for 3.5 years, and we are now in our 30's, but he just doesn't seem to be able to seal the deal! How can I discuss this with him gently, without sounding like a crazy woman?? I am ready to start a family, and move ahead with things, but I am not sure that he even thinks about it.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.

First figure out what is bothering you because this can impact the stability of the relationship. When you are sure you want a bigger commitment, then approach this subject as you would any serious discussion. Sit down and let him know that you are in need of a more permanent commitment. Don't give him the "my clock is ticking" and you have to do it right now. Let him know that you just want to know that the commitment is coming and the date is something that can wait. If you ask him with the understanding that this is a process then he may be more open. If not then he can tell you how he feels about commitment and why. It is okay to want to know where this is going.


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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I feel like he is serious about our relationship, and we are always very complimetary of one another and we say how happy we are. However, I feel like any discussion of the future is instigated by me. I want to feel like he wants a future with me, and is excited about the years ahead. I don't want to force him into anything, as he obviously needs to be personally motivated. I think I just need to find the right way to raise the subject of our future, and what we both want. I have raised this issue about a year ago. We discussed things and agreed we both liked the direction things were headed!
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
It is okay to instigate a conversation if it benefits you and the relationship. I know it would be great to have him do this but he may not be that kind of person. It is time to do this again and it doesn't matter who brings it up. It may just be more on your mind than his
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