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Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC, Psychotherapist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 7664
Experience:  35 years of experience as a Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor, National Certified Counselor and a college professor.
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I have been in a relationship for 5 years this November. It

Customer Question

I have been in a relationship for 5 years this November. It was actually his daughter that introduced us but not for abut the past 3 and years there has been one drama episode after another with her. I dont know what to do anymore and have become very frustrated and now thinking about walking away from this relationship because of her. It seems that no matter what I do I get scurtized and picked apart and then there is another big blown out of proportion drama event. She is basically telling her father to choose between her(his daughter) and me. What and how am I to handle this situation and keep our relationship alive and triving.

Sandra [email protected]
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Elliott, LPCC, NCC replied 6 years ago.
Seeking expert testimony is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective

Dear Sandra,

I am so sorry for your terrible predicament. The daughter has been manipulating the situation ever since she became jealous of you, and now wants you out of her father's life. You have not said anything about the relationship with your boyfriend, only with his daughter. If he is also giving you a hard time, and has been taking her side, you must tell him that you are at the end of your patience and that you are going to end the relationship if this situation continues for another week

Tell him that you are not asking him to choose between you and his daughter, but to choose whether he will be dominated by her and keep you at the receiving end of abuse, or put his foot down and be in charge of his own life.

If he cannot or will not put an end to this manipulative behavior, then either leave him, or reduce your contact with him (if you are not living together).

She wants him to choose but he never does, and so you are always at the bottom. It is time for you to take charge of the decision and make your own choices. You have three:

  • continue living as you have been and accept it, along with the anger, pain, and rejection
  • demand a real change and make sure that he sees it through NOW and not in some vague promised future
  • leave and find someone to whom you are number one, and so precious that you will be treated like the valuable person that you are.

Be strong, courageous, don't settle for less than what you want, persevere if there is REAL hope and signs of change, or move on if there is not.

Best wishes,

Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC