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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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My daughter in law has caused a break in my relationship with

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My daughter in law has caused a break in my relationship with my son. They have been together for 5 years. My husband and I bit the bullet during those 5 years because we have so much respect for my son. I am a modern young but old fashion mother and yes was controlling but yet pushed my son to be independent as a yound adult. I am the type of mother that does it all for everyone not just family, I waited on this girl for 5 years, bought her gifts without ever a thank you, XXXXX XXXXX lifted a glass in my house, cooked foods she liked. Her personality was different from all of ours but I like different people, my friends are all different but this one seemed almost angry all the time unless people saw it her way...she has a sarcastic perosnality which I just brushed off. I used to ask my son if she liked me and he would say, I don't know...I think she jealous because you can do it all and look good. I never pushed myself on them except holidays which they have to have respect...she alawsy hated holidays and never really spoke well about her family until she saw our family. My son began to change once she moved in his house, and that is to be expected but one year he had to work christmas eve...he never called me for the holidays, two weeks later he called and I told him how upset i was... he just brushed it off. My son always loved being with us and would bring her along which was fine...he never kept a secret from me his entire life...on valentine's day last year i read on facebook they got engaged at his in laws house, her father had posted it before he got to tell his family, my husband was also upset. Once they were engaged she acted like she was in pain evey time they came over and her attitude got worse..we still just went with it. They planned a destination wedding, I supported them all the way stating whatever you two want... during the holidays she told my mother with disgust that she thought I was crazy. My mom did not tell me until after the a crusie approaching my daugher in law kept telling eveyrone she did not want anyone on her honeymoon...I thought to myself then why invite everyone? Still I said nothing...she never shared one thing about the wedding, I had to pry it out of what to wear (she said, anything you want it will be hot), come to find out they all wore gowns and I had bought a short dress that I never got to wear. I called my son crying and said I need to know if Lauren wants us on the curise I need to hear from her...three days later I received a very strange 4 page letter explaining her odd personality and how she thought " i was Frankly a litte nuts" as she put the end she stated I had made thier lives difficult and her parents supported her but how she wanted us to share in thier life...sincerly, betweedn she tried comparing what I like to what she like.ex she would rather be bald and she thinks I want her to gush over me while having our nails done ...very odd stuff. Yes, I am an attractive woman but I never pushed any girly stuff on her. I was devistated and called my son for an apology...he did not even know she wrote a letter so I had to send him a copy and he agreed some of it was inappropriate and she will apologoze,then the next day, it was well you have to apologize to her too, I saidfor WHAT I am your mother and have done nothing to her ever...she has always been the snot and lazy and I will never apologize, i said dont ever call here or come over until I get a real apology...he said, okay the next day I read her messages on facebook " you have to earn respect" and that she has to be the bigger person and al lher friends joined in that don't even know me... I was so hurt...I told my son don't ever come to my house again because I can not believe he would let someone hurt his mother this way. Well the cruise came and went we never went...they all wore gowns! She looked so happy and I figured because I was not there to take away from her (her thinking not mine), my son warned me for years she was jealous and he even admitted to me all her faults and that maybe he would get divorced in years down the road because of all her habits he does not like but he did not want to start over and break up...he loved her and that was his life partner. They have a wedding reception coming in July... alll 60 of my side are not going... and she must be so happy. I would think if you wanted a son who loves his mother so much to be part of a family she would have long ago apologized and sent another letter more appropriate apologizing for any miscommunication or done something but no...she is so glad i am out of the picture. She also does not like my sons step mother ...she has more male friends and very few female friends and has made awful comments about her sister, how she does not really like her either. I deep down loved her because my son loved her and everyone warned me over the years that she did not like me. Help
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.

I am sorry for your situation. I can't imagine my son being with such a person and choosing to side with her. My advise usually is to meet with both to create some sort of truce or to contact your son and see if he will see your point enough to look at the problem objectively. He is the common denominator. That means without him nothing will change. You have to get through to him. Make sure he understands that you are not asking him to make a choice but to simply have a relationship with you both. There would have to be some ground rules too. No disrespect in any way. Your solution is in convincing him to resolve this. If she doesn't like you you may have to swallow your pride for awhile. The other choice is to see him when he can go against her wishes and that isn't the choice that makes sense.


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Customer: replied 6 years ago.

she does not want me in thier life. I can't contact them it goes against my grain because she has no respect for anyone in the end, if you listened to her ricious attitude for 5 years would would know she is different. They never contacted me all this time, they had two weddings, if someone really wanted you intheir life they would have made every atttempt to let me know it was a misunderstanding.... but nothing. My family has written him, he responds that he and his wife are one and it has all been a misunderstanding. He was steering away from religion but all of a sudden quotes the bible, he will need it with her. She believes in science only...which never bothered me...that is my point, i have given and given and had to bit the bullet. How do you forgive such a person she is plain evil and malipuative person and she will never have respect for me she has no respect for anyone...she has stated she hates people. My son was so pure and sweet, it is hard for me to believe he could like someone with this type of thinking. I know it is hard for him to meet women becuase he does not drink or go to clubs and he is not aggressive with people, this one staulked him so she says, they had mutual friends. He settled because he did not want to start over. I am so ashamed of him...he confided in my for all these years...all her faults and his fears with her...i can;t be the bigger person this time around, i should be someone he repects. They may be moving away because of his job, I know in my heart she is so happy because now she will have him to family where they are going. I guess there is nothing you can say my friends jsut say get therapy and get over it.

Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
I am alarmed at her "hating people" too. Don't be ashamed. She may have him but you don't know if the relationship will last or that he won't come looking for family because he realized she is isolating him. Don't lose hope yet
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