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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
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Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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guy on an online dating site a few months ago, I wrote

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I met a guy on an online dating site a few months ago, I wrote to him and he made a joke and asked if I usually make a habit of writing to 23 year old guys, as I am 29. We moved to a different site and ended up chatting almost everyday, he said early on that if we were to meet up that a relationship might be unlikely as the age gap was quite a big one, mainly as he was worried I would want children before he is ready for them. he also said but you never know. We just spoke as friends then eventually met up one afternoon while he was on a break from work, it was good, I was dating someone eles at this time and he knew this, but it soon ended. We carried on talking everyday and I suggested we meet up and start some kind of friend with benefits. He said he did find me very attractive and young for my age ec. So as the weekends came round we would meet up watch films, have a laugh and have sex and I would stay over night everytime. We both have the same taste in music and play guitar so we always talk about everything and are very close.He would also cuddle me , kiss me on my head ec and act very affectionate towards me. He did tell me he has only ever had one 3 month relationship which resulted in his gfriend getting pregnant even though they used protection. Maybe that's why he is so funny about the age gap. A few weeks went by and I would keep hinting at going to the cinema ec to see if we could maybe start dating. I was a bit too pushy I think and I ended up admitting that I liked him. He said he did too but that the age gap was still too big for him to have a relationship with me. He said we should stop meeting up in that way but still stay friends. I agreed at first but then said maybe I was just getting carried away and said I wanted to keep things going as before as I liked how things were. Which is very true. So we are still seeing each other, I stopped asking him to the cinema ec and he ended up hinting at me that he wanted us to go to the cinema and also Spend a day wit him as he had to go up north in the car and I was going to go with him and he wanted me to stay over the night before and he was going to buy me dinner. In the end he went with a guy mate but said he was keen to see me when he got back. I am thinking to end things before I fall for him more but I can't help thinking he does like me but is afraid to because of the age gap and children thing. We talk everyday online joking about and also serious Should I just become less avalaible or cut my losses now?

This is confusing. If you end it then you will never know if it could have been more. If you remain friends then you risk always being friends with benefits. I would be friends without benefits. He has no reason to reach for a relationship if there is sexual activity. I think friends with benefits sets up a possibility for no commitment. See what happens if you just keep the friendship going. He may realize that you have shared interest and compatibility. I don't think the age difference is that big. I think he thinks it is. At the very least, you have a good friend.


If this has been helpful press accept. Sorry for the delay

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Do you have any idea how I could go about this? as we only really meet up to have sex yet do other things.
I'm not sure how to go about changing things
Conduct this relationship as a friendship. Make an agreement with yourself to not have sex and you can make this known to him. Stay away from girlfriend type behavior. Kissing, etc. Find other things to do other than sex. You can change things by telling him and sticking to your own rules
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thats the problem, I do ask him to go to the cinema, and a concert of his fave band (which is not till december) but he always ends up not saying yes, always has an excuse.
So I don't think he wants to be in a situation with me where he could start falling.
Which is why im thinking to give up as I know he is still looking on the dating site we first met on.
I wouldn't be accepting of him being on dating site either. I think that really shows where his mind is. I think if he is rejecting your offer I would let it go too. You deserve someone who seeks out your attention rather than on the computer
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