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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Karen 54, married twice, first time for approx 2 yrs. during

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Karen 54, married twice, first time for approx 2 yrs. during her marriage, she cheated twice, became my mistress, did this because she felt her husband had cheater on her, later found out she was incorrect, her marriage ended, still my mistress at that time, then when I would not divorce, she left and married quickly for a year then I helped her get a divorce and moved her to my hometown, where she stayed as my mistress for approx. 10 years, then i divorced, we moved in together for two years, then married and annuled 3 months. later, we stayed living together untill about a week ago, during this time XXXXX XXXXXkes to drink wine and is a habitual pot smoker, I very seldom drink, maybe once a month, and I do not smoke at all, Karen has tried to quit, I have done everything to try and get her to quit, our annulment was because of her broken promise to quit, I have moved out of her condo more than a hundred times only to give in and move back in, I try to discuss and work things out, Karen comes from a family of screamers, addicts and drunks, my family does not smoke or drink, at all. during this time with Karen, when I left her, I did cheat on her twice, I believe she has never been unfaithful to me, go back make it work or move on, also Karen refuses to take hormone meds. I have to help Karen financially, most likely that is why she takes me back, sex when she was my mistress was off the chart, since I divorced sex on Karen's part has diminished greatly she will go thru the motions but will not get overly involved. Karen also has herpes, which if we passionately make love she has a break out for 10 days, then we wait and start up again for about a week, then another break out, I idolize Karen, she is a very beautiful woman inside and out, we have alot of fun, when she is straight, when she smokes, she shuts down and goes to bed at 6:30, I of course, bored am left to occuipy my time, for over two years, I have not cheated on Karen and will not again, untill we permenately go our seperate ways, Thank you, J
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.

I am sorry for the delay. I could not get online. It sounds like this relationship has a multitude of problems as you know. Although you love her, a relationship cannot be built on denial. She uses drugs and drinks, she has assaulted you and she something to be desired in promoting the sexual part of a relationship. This does not spell love. If you want to be happy the ability to seek outside help is limited by her need to hide her problems. No therapy can help in this circumstance. You are left then to deal with these issues on your own. You have to decide if this relationship the way it is is what you want. It is okay to say I am fine with this. If not then you have serious decisions to make. If you leave then you have to make it the last time. The problems will be there when you return. Only you can decide but the relationship seems to have multiple problems which you have to address alone.


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