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psychlady
psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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i am 48 & gay and have been in a relationship with my girlfriend

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i am 48 & gay and have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 8 years. she is not a US citizen, and the max. amount of time she can stay in the US at 1 time is 6 months, she isn't required to stay in her own country any specific amount of time, but she used to go for a month or two....well this past year she has been gone 10 out of 12 months - home only for nov. and dec. she has 4 adult children, 3 of them have children ranging in ages 1 month to 4 years old. she claims that she needs to be home for so long is because she wants to help with her grandchildren and also spend time with her 83 year old mother, also because her daughter was depressed and needed her. while she was gone i continued to work and take care of our home. however, in oct, i went on sick leave due to shingles (caused by the stress of my job) and eventully lost my job because my FMLA ran out, but in the mean time i had also been diagnosed with clinical depression, anxiety and panic attacks, which i never had experienced before. also our home was in foreclosure and i had filed for bankrupcy.
i feel that my girlfriend is not committed to our relationship, shows no ownership in our relationship, and abandoned me in my time of need.. her response is that i would cry whether she was there or notand her family needed her, and i had family here to help me. my mother and i are close, but she is 80 and my brother and his family also live in this county, but i go weeks and months without seeing them. she says i just don't understand because i don't have children, i say that her children are adults and she needs to make our relationship more of a priority. what is a solution to this?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.

The only solution is compromise. You can't expect her to give up sufficient contact with her children. Children need you whether they are adults or not. In that way you don't understand and you need to be more sensitive. However you have a ton of stressors right now and you need to feel that she is committed to the relationship. You need support during this time and are experiencing stressors coupled with other stressors. You both need to find a solution that you both can live with this. This may include her compromising on her schedule or how it is divided up. You need to allow for her needing her children which may have no particular reason. There has to be a compromise. Sit down and work out a possible solution and then get her to address this to. If you want to be together you will find something that works.

 

 

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Customer: replied 6 years ago.
doesn't her behavior show a lack of commitment to me and the relationship, she wasn't/isn't there for me when i need her
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
It does show lack of motivation and commitment. She should want to take an assertive stand to this relationship. Like I said she has to compromise too or this won't work.
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
It does show lack of motivation and commitment. She should want to take an assertive stand to this relationship. Like I said she has to compromise too or this won't work.
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.
It does show lack of motivation and commitment. She should want to take an assertive stand to this relationship. Like I said she has to compromise too or this won't work.
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