Hi everyone. Hope someone can help me. I have been with my…

He didn't move out from living with me. He moved out of his old place in baltimore to a new place in washington, dc to start his new job. he wasn't living with me.

Anyway, are you saying i shouldn't call him?
I am wondering if perhaps nothing is wrong and he is waiting for me to call him and ask how his job went, first few days.

I just can't believe he hasn't called me yet. Just to tell me how the job is going. He was worried about it for a month leading up to it.

And he asked for the space a week before he moved and then saw me two days. So is he still wanting space and that's why he didn't call? I don't know what to do! Help!

He finally called me yesterday (friday).

He said he had been trying to call me since Wednesday on my old phone line but he couldn't find the piece of paper with my new number on it.

However, he didn't mention anything about seeing me this weekend.

We are about to start a business together, and he asked me if there was anything we needed to take care of. I said there was a paper he needed to sign.

He said i could fax it to him.

He then asked my plans for the weekend.

He said he was tired and was going to take a nap.

So, i said, well you probably still need to relax and adjust to things.

He said yeah.

So, he didn't make any plans to see me or anything.

Wow, tell me that isn't hard to deal with.

Previously, I had been seeing him almost every day for six months.

Which was why he had been feeling overwhelmed and suffocated.

So, is it bad that he didn't want to see me this weekend?
Is it good that he called me?

I miss him, but I can't push him.

I don't know what he's doing.

Help!

Well, he called again saturday and we talked for like three hours. not about personal stuff but just a good converstaion. then, he knew i had plans with friends to go dancing. he actually ended up joining us at the last minute. we spent some time together the next day as well. He did have his arm around me, etc. while walking around like we've always done.

Well, he called again saturday and we talked for like three hours. not about personal stuff but just a good converstaion. then, he knew i had plans with friends to go dancing. he actually ended up joining us at the last minute. we spent some time together the next day as well. He did have his arm around me, etc. while walking around like we've always done.

This week, he didn't contact me through the week until today.

He sent me a brief email about the business.

I don't want to push him.

I need to give him the space he needs.

i really hope i get to see him this weekend but i can't push him.

We were supposed to get together tomorrow morning, sat, to go to the bank to set up an account for our business.

It's pretty important.

However, he hasn't called me to set up a time to meet.

I haven't heard from him since last sat/sun when we hung out, other than a brief email thurs morning that had to do something else with the business.

I am beginning to wonder, is my giving him space working so he'll think about the relationship and miss me, or i am creating a bigger gap in between us.

I am so confused. Don't want to stress him out, or ask him to meet with me if he doesn't want to or he's still taking space.

Don't want to call and ask about our meeting tomorrow.

But it is kind of important, and i'm surprised he hasn't asked me about it yet.

Help!

Well, i finally had to text him about meeting saturday to sign the papers.

i was already in dc with a friend when he called me friday evening.

i asked him if he wanted me to come over and he said yes.

so when we were sleeping he put his arm around me like normal.

we went to bank, then he took me to lunch.

it turns out, that he wasn't planning to spend much time with me beyond signing the papers.

he paid to have his mom and little sister fly in to dc from ohio. he had been really looking forward to seeing his family, but had been unable to schedule in the time to go to ohio before his job started.

i can understand how important this is for him.

however, i had thought that he would be spending some time with me over the july fourth weekend, based on discussions we had last weekend while spending time together saturday and sunday.

i was very happy for him.

but i did say that i had been hoping to watch the dc fireworks with him monday cuz i had never seen them in dc before. it's a pretty good show.

so, we're at lunch saturday.a girl calls him on the phone. a girl who he knew from salsa dancing when he worked in dc last summer for three months.

he asked the girl what she was doing for july 4th. he then went on to say that his mom and sister were coming into town and that she, her friend and 'the boyfriend' should join them for the fireworks.

really nice. so i'm not allowed to, but this girl is. yes, he said.

or my friend sabrina (another female friend of his) could be invited.

he was trying to make the point that a friend could meet his mom, but not me.

he has told me from the beginning that i could not meet his parents for a good while, until he was sure about how things were headed. he said he doesn't think parents should meet people until well into the relationship (like considering marriage, etc.).

he also was worried that his parents would not approve of me and it would take them years to get past the fact that i am older than him.

now, here's something important. the girl he dated a year or two ago, the one that he was with for six months who ended up cheating on him and breaking his heart- she was also older than him. however, his parents knew about her. now granted, they gave him a very hard time about it and then they were right because she cheated on him.

i am very angry and hurt. this would have been a perfect chance for him to casually introduce me to his mom. if he was uncomfortable about it, he could have said this is the girl who i am going into business with.

he did then say i could come to the fireworks but i couldn't spend the night. well of course not, your mom will be in your place with you.

i thought about it, as i felt tension build in the room. i know he needs space right now, etc. i thought that if i pushed meeting her, that it could end up backfiring on me. it could make him feel pressured, and it could go negatively for me. perhaps he would feel forced to make a decision and could decide it isn't worth it to stay with me because he wouldn't have much time to have space like he has asked for. also, it could make him uncomfortable the whole time his mom is there, worried he has to introduce me to her and not sure what to say. i could see the whole negative side of this.

so i said, it would probably be easier if i don't come on monday to the fireworks. he said yeah, probably. so i said okay, i won't come.

It was very hard to do, but i thought it was the best thing for us. i tried to be nonselfish and think about his needs.

But, i am angry at him. angry that he could invite everyone but me to this july fourth thing.

Why? Because i have been there for him through thick and thin. i have stood by his side when other people have let him down. when his friend sabrina says she's showing up somewhere to meet us and she doesn't come (which happens often). when he had a graduation party and only myself and sabrina showed up (he tutors her for free, so she pretty much had to come to show her gratitude).

If anyone deserves to see the fireworks with him, it's me. if anyone deserves to meet his mom,, it's me. you would think that he would want to say, here is a girl who, aside from anything else, has been great to me. she has kept every commitment she has made to me, she has been there for me. she isn't like everyone else, these other girls who moved away, were more worried about their careers, or who cheated on me.

So, this is hard for me. i have run the emotional gamut with this. i am trying to give him space, to show him that his feelings are important and that i value him. yes, he was feeling overwhelmed by me being with him so much, almost every day for six months. i understand that is something most people don't do til they're married. i know he wants to see that i can have my own life, do things with friends and things that don't involve him.

at first, i did tell him that my friend had invited me to come to her cabin by the lake sunday and monday. which she did. trying to let him see it was okay that he would spend the weekend with his mom and sis, which i had been suggesting that he figure out a way to go see them before he started his job.

but i scrwed it up somewhat by then saying i would have liked to see the fireworks with him monday. but you k now, i really did hope to. and when he invited that other girl (and her friend and 'the boyfriend' not sure what that means), it kinda hurt me because it wasn't going to be just about him spending time with his mom and sis.

Very frustrated, very torn, not sure what to feel.

i want him to have the space he needs. i agree that he was inundated with me for awhile and he's starting an important job and doesn't want to mess things up. however, he goes dancing every night without me (he is a dance instructor part time). he went dancing almost every night for the past two weeks even though he started this new job.

Help! I don't know what to feel or anything.

he needed space from me, not just to start the job. he needed time away from me.

it wasn't just about having time to adjust to the move.

he felt overwhelmed by me because we had spent almost every day together for almost six months. from the time we started to hang out til a couple of weeks ago.

he felt that it was too much to do things this way- and he had become suffocated.

he said we should have just seen each other a few times a week.

i agreed with this, which is why i offered to give him some space.

however, you have to understand his background. he has moved all his life, has never had any sense of stability. he's so used to getting close to people and then having to move or having those people leave his life.

he has never been with anyone long term, longer than six months and that girl broke his heart cheating on him.

he never had a girlfriend til he was 25 years old, never had sex til age 26- he's only 28 now.