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Dear Debra
Dear Debra, Advice Columnist
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 1852
Experience:  I have been an Advice columnist for 14 years. My column is published weekly in local newpapers.
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I have been communicating with this girl for over 3 months

Customer Question

I have been communicating with this girl for over 3 months via text. We both leave in different cities.. We've been talking everyday for the last 3 month non stop. I had to see friends in the city where she leaves. Informed her of my visit 2 weeks before hand so she was aware of me coming. We made plans to meet up for dinner which was pre arranged. On one of the night i was there, she was out clubbing with friends and asked me to join her in the club. She was really why when i say her at least that how she came across. I left the club before her as i felt i was making her unconfortable. Told her to contact me when she wakes up next day so we can go for lunch or dinner. I messaged her as it was getting late. She replied saying if we couldnt do the next day knowing full well that i have made plans for the day. well i called her and her sister picked up saying she was in the shower and she'd ask her to call me back. She didnt. So i pressed on to find out why she was acting really weird within a space of 24hrs and shes say 'to be honest i dont really know whats going on' 'my head is mashed' so i said to her you can talk to me about it instead of leaving things to hang. at one point i said to her am guessing we are not on speaking terms and she said of course we are..The whole conversation was just awkward so i tried to make it more interesting. So i said you know when i type your full name out i was serious. So she said thats what i dont like the seriousness. so really dont know what to do. Shes not been clear about her intentions or what she wants and its bugging me.. Well I ignored her for a week and suddenly she sends me a message asking how comes we don't talk anymore. So I said I don't you tell me. I mean we text ones in a while but not as we use to in the past. Am totally confused considering she's the one that started acting funny and after ignoring her shes bk talking to me. I like her however I don't want to sell myself short. I don't know if it's a good idea to still ask her why she was acting distance from me. We speak ones in a while now not like before. I feel there's a form of distance. I spoke to her on the phone and she said i was over thinking things. I asked her out on a date she said yes but since then she wouldnt initiate a conversation only when I speak to her. I really want her to be open with me but can't seem to get through to her. I really really like this girl. Can I redeem this one?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 6 years ago.
You went to visit her went out to a club but left because you felt you were making her uncomfortable. I think that you both should start over again. She doesn't say no to your dates. But I feel what happen was the anticipation of the date. You both build the first date up because you both were excited to be together. You tested for three months, you went out together and had a good time. But she maybe a person that is shy and couldn't be herself around you because you were both getting to know each other. It was a new relationship. She is in her environment and you were someone new. You can get so nervous around someone you really like and not even act like yourself. I think she might have trouble when it comes to being comfortable around you. That takes time. Once you know someone you begin to feel comfortable. I want you to begin testing everyday, just little messages like how was your day. I want you to start seal and then move forward into establishing a relationship. I feel she likes you and wants to be with you. You both need to be very understanding of each others feelings and begin to open up so there is no miscommunication. Express how you feel as you establish this relationship. I am here if you have anymore questions.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Thanks for your reply. What do your mean by start seal and move on. And also we haven't set a date for the second date. Should I ask about it later or just leave it. And how long should I keep been the one who initiate a conversation with her considering she usually initiates a conversation. I really don't want to see desperate but I mean she knows I like her.
Expert:  Dear Debra replied 6 years ago.
I want you both to start over like this is a new relationship a second chance together. I would start to set up that second date, begin making that plan and do something where you both can be comfortable together. You both need to talk and get to know each other. Its ok if you initiate the conversation I think she is shy when it comes to relationships. I think you need to plan and be the one who talks in the relationship because I think she needs time to open up. I would plan that next date after small conversation. She needs to know you are still interested and want to go on this date with her. You want her to be sure this is what you want to do. She needs to be reassured that you want to be in a relationship with her. Do not wait a week not to talk too her. Show her you want to be in her life to see where this relationship will take you both, explain how you feel. I am here to help you, if you need any help