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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Hi, I have been dating a guy for over a month now. It started

Customer Question

Hi, I have been dating a guy for over a month now. It started out fast - very attracted to eachother. we saw eachother quite frequently. He was always very anxious to see me. He was also the dominant one and I am fine with that. When he asked to see me, I accepted 90% of the time. Then I wanted to let him know that I wanted to see him and when I asked him on 2 different times - he did not come because of work or he just did not want to (nothing negative). I accepted that trying not to take it personally. I am a rather insecure person. Anyway I guess I started to push more into this relationship - or that is how he took it. One night we were talking and he had to hang up but said he would call me right back. He did not, but texted me that he was sorry and would in a few minutes. Anyway he did not so I ended up going to bed. The next morning, I texted him and asked him to text me to let me know that everything is OK. He did not. I called and he didnot pick up so I left a message and then called and left msg 2 other times. He finally called. Then that night when I texted him to ask if we are going to see eachother, he texted back that he thought we needed to slow down a bit. We talked in person that night and discussed what we both wanted. He said he wants to have fun and wants me to want to have fun with him too. I said I want that but I also need to know if we can build on it because I like the companionship too. He said we could have fun and build on that. We also discussed our different personalities where he is impulsive and laid back and I am structured and a worrier. We talked about coming to a happy medium on our differences and he said he would help me. He said he also wants me to be more straight forward on the things that bother me. Anyway here it is the day after and he did not contact me. As a woman I can't help but read into this and worry. I decided not to call or text him and to give him his space - I do not want to push him. I want to let him pursue me. This is extremely hard for me. Can you please give me some insight into this? I am a bit insecure and do not want this to show throuh to him. Please help. Thanks.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.

There are several possibilities. One is that he is not ready for a relationship and you are destined to put up with this sporadic contact and will have to put up with this sporadic response to your needs. The other is that he is more worried about himself than about you. This is signs of a self absorbed guy who put his own needs first. Either way he will require a focus that is on the needs of others. You are two different people for sure but there has to be an ability to come together. If he is the type that doesn't return messages and you are insecure, I am not sure that is going to work. It really will take him embracing change as well. See what he wants from a relationship and whether you can get what you need. I would consider that before you text him at this point



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