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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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Ive been spending time with a guy recently, Victor. Victor

Customer Question

I've been spending time with a guy recently, Victor. Victor is unemployed and broke, but trying very hard to turn his life around. He lives with his parents but so do I; I recently finished grad school and I'm staying at home for a year or 2 while I start working. When we spend time together I go over to his house in the evening, around 9 or 10, and stay til very late. We watch movies and talk. I was worried about being just a booty call but I am not giving him any sex. Yet at the same time our hanging out is not strictly platonic, we cuddle and talk about everything and it's very sweet and we have made out a little bit and when I stopped things from going further he was very sweet about it (I had an ex who was not). He mentioned coming over to my house sometime and watching a movie with me and my parents so my mother would be more comfortable with the hours I have been keeping. I jumped on the idea saying that would be fantastic and also explained that I would like to see him during the day. It's hard because we are both busy trying to work and be productive all day long and we only have free time at night. Tonight he was finally supposed to come over to my house (intially his idea) and everything was set for him to come over tonight at 7pm. At 4pm he tells me he cannot come his parents have sprung a family dinner party on him and he can't get out of it since he owes them so much for living at home. This all sounds reasonable and it isn't that I don't believe him, he seems to have very good intentions but his follow through sucks and it is still very frustrating even if his parents are springing things on him. I have a party at my house this coming Friday and I hope he doesn't end up having to flake out on that. I don't know what to do- he's been very sweet and patient with me and I love getting to know him better and I can understand going through a hard time, but at the same time I do not want to be a pushover or waste time on some guy who will never follow through. I let him know I was disappointed but we haven't talked about today yet. My guess is I will probably see him in the next few days and I suppose we could talk more about it then. It's hard to be mad at someone who has things sprung upon them that they cannot get out of but my feelings are also hurt. Is hanging around this guy a big mistake or do things have the potential for working out? Things didn't work out last summer but I have been feeling very different about everything this time. I just don't know what to do, how long to stick in it, and how understanding to be wtihout being a fool.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.

His habit of not keeping his promises or getting side tracked is a problem. But you are still on a kind of friendly basis too. He may be more motivated to follow through when there is a relationship. If he does do this when you are a couple this will be an even bigger problem. You have to decide if you wish to risk being in a relationship with him once you have talked about this and asked for a resolution. I don't think it's as much his parents as him. He is old enough to be able to juggle his responsibilities. You have to put the responsibility on him and find out he can do better