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psychlady, Counselor
Category: Relationship
Satisfied Customers: 6893
Experience:  I have over 16 years experience in treating adults presenting with a variety of relationship issues
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I am a very attractive 34 yr old woman, and met a now 50 yr

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I am a very attractive 34 yr old woman, and met a now 50 yr old man, who has a seven yr old live in son, about a year ago. I moved from working as a traveling nurse, into his home, at his request, and after thought. 3 days after I moved in, this man, who has not lived with a woman in 20 something years, explains to me that although he feels I am his "soul-mate" that he does not want to live with anyone. I had moved everything into his home, began working for his company, began working on project we had begun prior to my moving in, and had to now move out of his home, and the relationship. I still work for him, and he insists on continuing to see me in a non exclusive relationship. I am done, and want to continue my work relationship, which I do not need to see him, and only conference call once a week. I am very hurt by what happened, however I want to continue working without being his benefits, or on demand partner. I fear that if I choose not to sleep with him, or abide by the terms of his non relationship, that my working relationship will be over. We had been in a long distance, exclusive, at least on my end, relationship. I had stayed many times at his home, for longer periods of time. I had asked him on numerous occasions if moving in was what he wanted, and offered that we continue our ldr to really see where things would go. He insisted on more than one occasion, in fact so many, that he was ready. He even wrote me a letter saying how he was ready to make this move with me. So I moved in ready to be a life partner, mom to his son, and working partner. Not three days, and he said he felt like it would not work. After I moved out two weeks or so later, he continued to call me and ask me over to dinner with him and his son, and or to go out with him to dinner. He continues to let me know "even though we are not a couple, that he really cares about me, and wants to help me in whatever way he can, and be here for me" We are still having sex, and acting as if we good friends. I want out!! I want the right to heal, and move on. I want to do my job, which I love, and not be with him sexually, or personally anymore. A part of me believed that maybe he was trying to see where things would go, why else would he give me money, help me out, have me over, offer to buy a condo for me to live in right? Wrong!! I am just another one of his on demands, and I do not want to be, but I do not want to lose my job. First what kind of man would do this? Second, how do I handle this situation, break this non-relationship off, and keep my job?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Relationship
Expert:  psychlady replied 6 years ago.

He is not helping you do anything. He is simply ensuring that he has a on again off again girlfriend. As you know this relationship will never go anywhere. He is selfish and manipulative. Who wants that? You need to end all personal contact because if you have sex with him or go to dinner you are saying it is okay to mistreat you. He is using you to have a casual affair with a person who genuinely cares about him. He gives you things to keep you hanging on. You do have to handle this carefully because of work. I suggest that you tell him that you are not going to be going out but hope he can be adult enough to allow you to keep your job. You can't cushion it because he still is going to know that you are done



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