Russ0114 : Hello and thank you for choosing just answer, I look forward to assisting you.
Russ0114 : Some of what you shared got cut off, do you mind pasting it into the chat box?
okay lets try it
I have a big relationship predicament or how to act. I just got out of a 2.5 year relationship at the beginning of February. I really thought me and my ex would get back together. Ended up we really resent each other and things are better apart. Now after a month or so of hanging around, I realize that this girl I work with had had a crush on me for quite a while. Given I am 22 and just graduated college and she is 24....she is two years older. I could kind of tell she liked me from the start by some of her flirting actions. When we finally started conversing I really resisted her because I was not ready to start anything or interested in anybody. I did really think she was a sweetheart and a very beautiful girl but I just was not ready even though she kept counseling me through the breakup and being so sweet about everything. We started talking more and more over the next couple of weeks and I knew she really did like me. I started to love talking to Ms. Laci more and more. Well we ended up at the same party one Saturday night and we danced and kissed and hungout. Then we both said we liked each other. Then over the next couple of weeks we hungout some here and there just casually. Well me and her went out on a double date with some friends and then i took her to another party. We really did have fun that night and then the next week she got really all over me and I loved her being there. I really did start to like hanging out with her and I didn't want stuff to move fast, we were just hangin out but it seemed like things could materialize. Well then the next week we hungout a little bit each day and we got to joking about sexual things. I made it known that I was attracted to her but she said she had to be in a deep relationship like six months or better and her only partners were those three previous boyfriends she dated which I do beleive is true. She is not a liar. Well we had got to passionate kissing a few times before, but one Thursday evening we got into very deep kissing and things led up to going to my bedroom. She said she wanted to....only if i was ready for her to be emotionally attached to me. I said yes thats fine Laci. She said your the only guy this is going to happen with that i havn't been dating for that long. And we ended up having sex that evening. Well next day rolls around and its a very akward situation looking at her at work, but we were both smiling so much and she kept texting joking about us taking a 30 minute break to go somewhere. Well that evening she ended up getting a UTI, and it turned out she got to be very sick for 3-4 days and wasn't able to hangout. That was fine with me no big deal. Well it seemed like she started to be very unavailable to hangout and started to blame it on her graduate school classes and this and that. Well we still texted and phoned a lot over the next two weeks and she kept wanting to talk about how great sex was and wanted to again and blah blah this and that about doing it and all that stuff. We finally had another date after all of her cancellations. This time she was acting DIFFERENT. She didn't want to hold hands and didn't want to act all kissy and cuddly and ended up cutting it short. I ask her whats wrong she said "im sorry but im not ready for a relationship right now, I like you but I want to be friends first and lets see where that takes us and she continued to talk about all of her walls she has built up to protect her emotions and all that girl stuff but she really did see things happening later on but she wanted to build a big friendship first. Well we went on talked some here and there....hungout occasionally....she wouldnt cuddle and would only kiss goodbye.... over the next couple of months....had that same conversation again......well I did leave the company for a better job and this week she started talking to me again and continued to let me know how much she missed me and we started talking some again, but I was being resistant because I liked her then she backed off. Well we conversated today and she brought up she was ready for her special someone. And then it got brought up about me and her. She kept asking how I felt and i kept putting it on her. She was like I really think we should talk more. and i kept on punching information out of her. She stated she wanted to talk more and maybe lead up to talking. Then I kept asking her what she wanted and all and she was like my next relationship i want to settle down and be very serious, not to scare you or anything and she just has up walls and emotional barriers. I asked her what she saw and she said I see us together in the future and maybe something really serious but she just wanted to talk. And I said what was wrong with what we were doing....because i did not see it as serious. she said nothing and wants to hangout some and talk more but im not sure if im pissi in the wind or not???? help please!!!! lol
let me know if you get this or not
Russ0114 : Hello, I did receive it all, thank you for pasting it.
Russ0114 : The back and forth with her is very confusing. I think you need to share with her that right now, you would like to keep things on the pace that they're at.
Russ0114 : You can share with her that now you've built up some walls due to how things started/stopped between the two of you initially.
Russ0114 : Because even though she's now talking about being with you, she's really continuing her old behavior because when you press her about what that means, she says just to talk.
Russ0114 : I wouldn't want you to say, ok, I'm all in with this girl and she begins to act distant and unaffectionate like she's done in the past.
Russ0114 : Does this make sense?
I agree it is confusing and I stated that to her. She kept saying she was sorry and its her fault and she shouldn't have up so many emotional barriers. I am just at an awkward position of how to act towards her now....if I give in and talk to her all the time like she wants....i feel like ill be in the friend zone and just being used as someone to talk to all the time????? but she does seem really content on this building a friendship first because her good friend did it with a guy and they ended up happily married. She does text/call/ want to hangout a lot and I try to seem more unavailable and the more unavailable I become....the more she chases after. I really want her to know I have other options and am going to explore without ending it completely. blowing things off with her. What would you suggest I do/ how I act towards her?
Russ0114 : I think having an open discussion with her is the best method. Share with her that you're not opposed to building a friendship but you're not going to make yourself unavailable for other possibilities. Let her know that you just want to be honest with her so that she's not surprised if you meet someone and develop a romantic relationship. Being completely honest is going to be best.
We did haave a big open discussion and the words I stated above are what I told her. I feel like im beating a dead horse with the continuation of talking with her about it. I mean she calls and calls and texts me all the time and I mean im nice to her but I am in a nice way letting her know that I have been with and seeing other women, but I was honest with her. I do beleive she has interest in me....and she just went all out at first and dug in and then got scared but I mean im not holding my breath on it. If she works out for me and all, Id be very happy but if not there are other fish out there without a doubt. I just don't know about talking to her all the time like she likes???? Given this information.... what do you think that she is thinking i know its hard over the computer....
I think that you've done all that you can do and you're absolutely right, you have to keep your life moving if she's giving you no indication that she's going to try to pursue a relationship with you. This may be true that she got scared but as the cliche saying goes, you never know what you're missing until it's gone. I think she thinks that she can keep things right where they're at until she's ready to move forward but that's not completely fair to you especially if she's giving you no indication that there will be something there in the near future. I agree talk to her when you have the time and you feel like talking to her. At this point, you have to leave yourself open for other possibilities and if the two of you happen to be on the same page in the future and still have an attraction then great, if not, you've done all that you can to make yourself available to her.